Love Found
by Fullmetal Angel 17
Summary: Set during chapter 265. After a heartbroken Hayate returns to the vacation home, he comes across Nagi and the two get into a fight which leads to more heartbreak. Will Hayate's words drive the girl, and his second chance at love, away from his life?
1. Heartbreak

**A/N:** Hey, hey, hey~! So, whose missed me? I decided to take a small break from writing the next chappie to my FMA fic to get this idea out of my head and onto the Internet. I was inspired to write this after reading chapter 265 when Athena told Hayate that she wasn't planning to return with him, deciding rather to let him live his life with Nagi and group. Now I'll admit, it was a little sad that they had to part ways. But at the same time, I was relieved to know that Hayate could move on and find love with another (hint, hint…Nagi). So, in a sudden leap of creativity, I wrote up this chapter to my first multi-fic of HnG to show my love for the coupling. So do enjoy this fic and let me know how I did. Kay?

On a side note, I must warn you that Hayate acts a little OC. But that's only because he's just gone through a massive heartbreak. So it's only natural that some people act out of character when stuff like that happens (and boy, can I name a few people who have. You know who you are). And those of you who don't mind some swearing are good to go in reading this.

**quotes from manga**

"regular dialogue"

'_mental thought'_

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 1: Heartbreak**

**So…this is farewell.**

He never knew words like that could hurt so much. He was walking down the cobblestone path, passing the battle-damaged castle (or what was left of it, for the matter). The winds coming from the sea beside him picked up in speed and he fought desperately to keep the tears at bay. But his efforts were quickly becoming futile; single droplets rolled down his left cheek and stained the top part of his white collar. But he could care less.

The love of his life basically told him that she didn't share the same feelings as him anymore. Even after he told her he loved her, the woman of his affections had enough gut to turn around and walk away. She walked away, leaving him behind. But she also took his heart in turn. And he was supposed to hold his composure?

But a small part of him (very much miniscule at the moment as he dwelled on the heart break) understood her reasoning for leaving. Had she decided to return with him to Japan, he would have ultimately dragged her down with the burden of his debt. No longer would the responsibility of caring for him fall on his young Ojou-sama, but his precious A-Tan instead. Considering all that she's went through because of him, including the incident of today, he felt it natural that she'd want to use her newfound freedom to do all the things she couldn't before, which included living a life that was burden free.

So when he saw her literally and emotionally distancing herself from him, he made no move to protest. Rather, he let her take those steps away from him because deep in his heart he knew he was protecting her from him. He could never live with himself if he knew he was the cause of her stress.

**Are you going to transfer your debt of 150 million yen to me?**

But it still hurt to hear it said to his face. He inwardly cringes when he thinks about the way her voice lowered in that unsettling way, as though mocking him for underestimating the situation at hand. And when her ruby red eyes blazed like that, she usually meant business. It was those very eyes of hers that planted him on the spot and prevented him from running up to her slightly quivering body. But nonetheless, he walked on forward. He managed to hold his head up high (with some difficulty), keep a composed stare before him (even though his eyes were rimmed red and the tight thin lip was more grim-like than anything) and held on to his determination to get back to the hotel where his friends were at (even though he wanted nothing more than to turn around and embrace his goddess for dear life).

So he could honestly say he was fairing well. Well, whatever that meant in this circumstance.

**See…? You can't do it, can you?**

His memory was betraying him.

Athena's words kept replaying in his head; further driving him to the void of depression he was drowning in. It was unfair to think that he was destined to hurt constantly. He never knew the love of a family; his brother disappearing out of the blue one day and his parents going on the run while they practically handed him over to the yakuza. The one true friend he made in his youth ended up hating him because of what he said and did to her and he let her suffer for all those years. And after he finally reunited with her, she told him that they needed to go their separate ways. No matter where he turned to, he was bound to hurt someone with his existence. To him, it was an evitable thing that he would have to live with for the remainder of his life.

The harsh, cold winds pricked at the exposed skin and caused a rupture of goose bumps in its wake. By now, his tears lessened to residual trails on his flushed cheeks. But he had a feeling he would be seeing more of the salty liquid soon. After all, he was experiencing the worst of heartbreaks since his brother's disappearance. Everything was slowly falling apart around him. His once clear world, filled with laughter and crazy mishaps, dimmed in color and plagued his mind in the sickest of ways by replaying all the negative treatments from his youth up till now.

With each disappointed face or crying expression, his already weak knees would further weaken and it made walking difficult by the minute. He staggered to a nearby wall, placed a hand on it and heaved out his lunch from earlier. He'd gulp in some air after emptying his system only to duck his head down and do it again. The burning sensation ran like acid through his lungs and tiny specks of tears dotted the corners of his lids. He gasped for breathe between takes, gripping at his stomach in hopes that the pain would subside eventually.

He glanced sideways to see the ocean waters crashing on the rocks at shore. The moonlight reflected off the waters, creating glimmering shimmers resembling diamonds on the surface. Any other day, he would have stopped to admire the beautiful sight. But today wasn't such a day. He was hurting. And no amount of sightseeing was going to help him sober up and forget all of A-Tan's saddening, but reasonable, words that night.

He could see the lights of the resort everyone was staying at in the distance. He felt a little relieved to know he was close by. He propped himself upright from the brick wall, wiped his lips across the bottom of his butler uniform sleeve and staggered the rest of the way to his awaiting friends.

* * *

**Forgiving someone…and being forgiven…that's what binds people together.**

Nagi had just got through telling a story to Ayumu when the surprised girl yelled out Hayate's name. She glanced to the side and lo and behold there was her butler. Her emerald eyes traveled to his worn out features, a grim look crossing her own face. She saw the group of girls gather around him, questioning his disappearance. He would nod his head occasionally, but never gave a solid answer. It appeared like he was trying not to let his forced smile falter in front of them. But Nagi knew better than to fall for it.

When the crowd dispersed some, she allowed herself to walk the short distance to her butler/crush. There she stood in front of him, a smile (which was just as forced as Hayate's, for his sake) playing on her lips and eyes tracing the contours of his worn face. Judging from his expression, she didn't want to come out right away with her concern and decided to settle on asking, indirectly, about his situation instead.

"Well, how'd it go Hayate?"

"Eh?" He looked genuinely confused by her question, as though he had been in a daze moments before. She wasn't mad about this. On the contrary, she was worried about what he went through before returning to the resort. Her heart ached at the sight of him felling miserable as he attempted to hide that sadness from her. Both her hands clutched at either side of the dress, but her smile stayed.

"Did you finally settle things?" she asked. Hayate silently looked down at the girl before him, as though contemplating the question at hand and trying to formulate a decent answer that'll stray from his real thoughts.

"Hm?"

Nagi pressed on further when she didn't get an answer right away. She wasn't sure why he was so hesitant to answer her and, to put it bluntly, it was pissing her off. She squeezed harder on the cotton fabric, not sure what to expect from him. He was being unusually quiet tonight and this threw the girl for a loop, on account that she's never had to deal with emotions as raw and deep like his growing up in the Sanzenin estate. Her whole life has been the envy of many unfortunate to possess the wealth and liberties like her. When she felt bad about anything, she'd vent to Maria or Izumi (who popped up in the mansion on random occasions). But she never really learned the skills that went into being patient to hear of their issues, finding it rather easy to write it off as a waste of time. So to have to come down from that fairytale and put other people's problems before her own was still a feat in of itself. But she tried nonetheless.

His lips twitched upward by a fraction and a small tint of pink painted his pale cheeks. If her senses hadn't told her that something was wrong with him, she would have believed that Hayate was simply smiling to himself in his normal 'Hayate manner'. But it was because she knew he was upset that she allowed her lips to curl more upward after seeing a glimpse of the old Hayate coming through the dreadful atmosphere around him. His smile seemed genuine at the time, despite the flicker of emotion that flashed in his baby blues to which she couldn't distinguish.

"Yes."

"…That's good to hear." She hesitantly grabbed his right hand, enveloping it in her own two hands, and offered him what she presumed to be her warmest smile. "That really is good to hear, Hayate." A small part of her hoped that her smile would have the power to melt away the despair etched on his face from moments ago and put his worried heart at ease. But something about her gesture had him flinch and swiftly pull his hand away. A shocked look took the place of the smile and her hands went limp on either side, suddenly becoming clammy and shaky.

It was only after he heard her gasp, that Hayate became aware of what he did. He looked to his hand and then to Nagi's face, his eyes dilating at the sight. His whole hand feels like it was scorched from the wrist down. He remembers holding his A-Tan with those hands some time before. His beloved A-Tan…who didn't love him anymore. But the same girl who he still loved dearly.

'_What the hell have I done?'_

Both teens, unnoticed by the others who were far off at the other side of the resort, stayed like that for some time, shocked by the turn of events. Nagi felt like the ground melted beneath her feet and glued her to it on the spot; her thin legs seemed like they were weighted down by imaginary shackles that kept her from approaching the boy before her. Hayate's legs shook from his sudden reflex, beads of sweat rolling down his temple. Unshed tears were clouding his vision and he desperately wanted to flee the scene.

'_What the hell have I done?'_

Nagi took a few baby steps closer to the fear-stricken butler, outstretching her left hand to take a hold of him. Hayate took a small step back with his right foot, clenching his fisted hands tighter until the knuckles shown white. Everything was happening too quickly for him.

'_What the hell have I done!'_

"…H-Hayate?" Her small hands slowly crept towards his arm, breath coming out shallow and her heart beating wildly against her chest. Unshed tears threatened to spill from her glistening eyes, halting the older boy's breath in that instance.

Her dainty fingers continued edging forward, seeking solace from having some kind of physical contact with him and allowing it to convince her that this whole thing was simply a misunderstanding on her part. Hayate, on the other hand, was trying to will his body to pull away quickly from the hand inching closer to him.

"P-please, Hayate…"

**See…? You can't do it, can you?**

His imagination started working up on him, twisting Nagi's face into the image of Athena as he pictured her face telling him those painful words back at the destroyed mansion. A smile filled with malice taunted him as it spoke some more.

**You can't do it.**

**Get going.**

"Hayate…?" The voice in his head sounded fiercer with each repetition.

**Get going.**

Every particle in his body was freezing over at her words. And he was drowning again, just like before.

**Get going.**

He wanted to fall off the face of the earth.

**Get going.**

He wanted to tear at all the happy laughter that was mocking him.

**Get going.**

Anger was pulsating through his veins, thoughts of ripping away from everyone and allowing them to hurt like himself entertained his raging mind.

**I wish you would disappear from here!**

Her delicate fingers hover just a few centimeters from his wrist as she speaks with desperation in her voice.

"…H-Haya-?"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Smack.

That was the sound that rang throughout the silent space around them. Time seemed to slow down as Nagi watched with horror at his hand slapping her own away, his hair falling over his eyes and concealing the rage behind them.

A bracelet with star and heart charms around it fell to the ground with a loud thud. It was a gift from Hayate when she passed her midterm exams. "I'm so proud of you", he mentioned after handing her the white box containing the charm bracelet. His smile stretched to both ears, earning a giggle from the girl. He told her to keep it safe and always carry it around as motivation to try better. And she honestly believed his love was transferred onto the inanimate object- many of her biggest obstacles were overcome when she wore it. It was meant to give her a sense of security whenever she felt vulnerable. But that wasn't the case this time. Now the gift lied on the floor, separated from her grasp and losing all sense of purpose from the largely perplexed girl. And Nagi barely registered the echoing sound from it, too preoccupied with the shock at hand.

She slowly retracted her hand to her chest, feeling a stinging sensation that had her wincing whenever she moved it slightly against the cotton fabric.

"I hate this, damn it…" the butler muttered to himself, head bowed and fists tight on either side. He ground his teeth hard, a habit of his when he thought back to his childhood. Without fair warning, he charged at the defenseless girl and pinned her to the wall behind her with his hands above the sides of her head. Fear shook at the very core of her body, but she made no move to escape him.

"Why the hell should I have to suffer the pain? Why?" His hair still fell over his face. His voice, however, held a tone of malice that was never exhibited by the boy to anyone of his friends. This really scared the young ex-heiress as she stood there with her back pressed painfully hard against the wall.

"Do you know why I feel like this? Huh?" She wasn't sure if he meant it to be a question, but she shook her head anyways.

"I'm hurting because my life is so screwed up and yet everyone else is allowed to smile from the bottom of their hearts and enjoy life to the fullest." Small trails of tears slid down his angled face, overwhelming Nagi at the sight.

"I'm so sorr-"

"Damn it!" He gave the wall beside her a hard punch, tiny pieces of rubble flying in all directions around them. When he pulled his hand away, Nagi dared a side-glance to see the large dent he inflicted and the crack lines barely reaching her head. Her hands became clammy at the thought of Hayate possibly turning his violent frustration out on her. Ragged heaving escaped his lips and Nagi quickly averted her eyes to the floor, too frightened to make eye contact.

She tightly clenched her eyes shut, mentally willing the good-humored Hayate to return and tell her this was all just some sick prank to get back at her for something. But with each angered shake his arms gave, she was slowly beginning to think that such a reality was possible.

"Screw this…" When she thought more hell was to come, she was surprised to hear his body moving away from hers. She looked up with wide eyes to see Hayate making a mad dash towards the woods, never once looking back at her. She was too fixated to move from her spot on the wall, emerald orbs watching his retreating back till it was no more. He disappeared beyond the shrubbery and away from her distressed form. When she was finally left to herself, she let her body slide down the wall in a heap of utter defeat.

She sat there crumpled on the floor, weak-kneed and tear-stained. Her mind went into a haze while she tried to understand all that transpired between them. But all that she could comprehend was that Hayate was very much furious with her for unknown reasons.

'_Did I seem to pushy when I tried to embrace him? Is he mad because I made him do all those silly things back at the mansion? Or is it because he's just plain tired of me bossing him around? What could I have possibly done to make him so mad?_

She caught sight of the discarded bracelet. It appeared dull and ugly in contrast to the beauty of the location. The priceless gift didn't even reflect the beautiful rays of the moon, enhancing its own beauty, like it usually did. Her heart plummeted to the bottom of her stomach when she thought about this. A fresh wave of tears pooled around her eyes before it came rushing out and onto her dress. She brought her hand up to wipe away at the river, thinking of the animosity etched onto his face. She was struck with a painful thought at that moment when she looked at her reddened hand before her.

_Hayate…is it because you hate me? _

An immense, aching feeling consumed her fragile body and she no longer denied the floodgates urging her to let it all out.

And that's what she did as tears wracked her entire form and wails of heartbreak left her mouth in the comfort of her own misery.

* * *

"Huff, huff….damnit."

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him- the trees and bushes mere blurs that whizzed past him in his desperate haste.

He reached a large oak tree when he doubled over and fell to his knees, hands grasping at the bark and forehead banging continuously against it.

"Damn, damn, damn!" Several leaves showered the boy's head from above and the only sound heard was his own.

"How could I be have been so stupid? And how the hell am I supposed to face her now?"

Ruby red eyes flashed through his mind, along with blonde hair and a kind smile.

He relaxed his hold on the tree, lifting his head to see the moon shining in the ink black sky. It shone on him brightly, as though giving the impression that he couldn't hide from his frustrations under its knowing eyes. He was, virtually, a prisoner to life's curious eye; it was almost a disadvantage when one considers the obstacles hindering him from achieving true happiness.

"How am I supposed to go on without you, A-Tan? You were the reason I tried so hard to make my own way. You gave me reason to believe in myself once again. So how could you suddenly call it quits and leave me like that? Was my apology not enough to persuade you? Should I have tried harder to make you see that my feelings were true? …Did my feelings for you cause you so much heart ache?"

He half-expected Athena to pop up behind him and tell him this was all a joke; that this nonsense she spoke of was all an illusion. But it never happened. An owl's hooting from a tree nearby was the only thing that answered him back.

He remembers the look of hurt on Nagi's face with sickening guilt that made him feel queasy. The way her body trembled under him and the red mark on her hand that was caused by his very own. What made it worse was that she was trying to cheer him up before it all went down. She was the innocent one in the matter. Yet, he threw the blame for his unhappiness onto her. This was the same girl who gave up her rights at the Sanzenin inheritance to alleviate his personal matters, unaware of what they were. And she never did question him about it as she crushed the ruby jewel in front of him- the shards colliding with the floor along with her impending future.

If anything, he should have been grateful for her show of kindness instead of taking advantage of it. But when he thought of the mess he caused Athena, he couldn't help but feel a need to pull away from the younger girl's kindness towards him. He felt that by accepting it, he was ultimately casting Athena aside and all the deeds she's done for him. It felt like betrayal and Hayate didn't tolerate such acts, considering his own parents betrayed him. He, of all people, knew what it felt like to be pushed aside and taken advantaged of. But at the same time, he didn't like the guilty feeling he got from turning away from Nagi.

'_I wasn't being fair to either of them. And it's all my fault that I hurt them both.'_

He remembers seeing her charm bracelet flying in the air and landing on the ground with a loud thud. It was the gift he got her for passing the midterms with flying colors. His heart swelled with pride when he saw her name amongst the top five highest scores on the bulletin board. So he rushed out of the school, narrowly escaping a herd of raging felines and a clown riding a tricycle, and went into a jewelry store to purchase the bracelet for her. He distinctly remembered her looking at it during one of their outings to buy groceries and he was amazed to see it there still after a good whole month passed by. And he was more than happy when he ran back to the school to present it to her. He wishes he had a camera then because the way she blushed that pretty pink color and the sincere smile she gave him was worth the Kodak moment in one of his many albums framing their times together.

It was a side of Nagi he greatly treasured and would never forget.

But now he was sure that the frightened Nagi from tonight would haunt him for many nights to come. He'd never seen her so shaken up till now, and by him for that matter. It frightened him, at the very least, to see this brave and chipper girl at her most vulnerable, like a deer caught in front of headlights. Even her voice gave way to the fear she was experiencing because of him. He didn't like seeing such an expression on her face at all.

_That really is good to hear, Hayate._

A smile formed on his face when he thought of the sincerity behind those words. The lights from the resort could be seen from a distant part of the woods, letting him know that he didn't get too far. Using the tree for support, he lifted himself from the floor and dusted his pants off. The smile disappeared and was replaced with a slight frown as he looked towards the flashing lights ahead.

'_I should really go back and apologize to her. It's the least I can do for hurting her feelings and practically scaring her to death like that. And if she wants to give me tons of punishments for them, no matter how embarrassing or ridiculous they may be, I'll gladly accept them if it means putting a smile on her face.'_

"…That I promise you, Ojou-sama." he muttered to himself as he made his way towards the vacation home.

* * *

It took him about ten minutes to reach the pool area, Nagi nowhere in sight. The bracelet was still lying on the floor, along with the small rubble from the wall being punched at. He gently picked up the jewelry piece, admiring the glittery stars for a second. It caught some dust on it. But other than that, it appeared fine. He swiftly tucked it in his pocket and continued his search for the pre-teen.

He looked in the study and didn't find her. She wasn't in the kitchen or the game room either. Heck, she wasn't even at the library where all her precious manga books were stacked in the many rows of shelves there (and she must have been really upset if she didn't think about stopping there). He asked all the girls there if they knew where she went off to, but none of them knew where she was. They all said they had last seen her at the pool with him. After the numerous shrugs he received from everyone, he let out a loud sigh and went to look elsewhere.

He sprinted towards the main house and turned to his right. When he went into the hall that led to where her room was located, he suddenly came across Maria pacing about. A look of worry contorted her face as she continued her pacing around the hall, the fingernail on her thumb held between her front teeth. He walked up to her, went to her shoulder and lightly tapped at it to get her attention. But because she wasn't expecting anyone from behind, she shrieked and jumped a considerable feet away from him. Hayate was taken back by it himself, but Maria managed to calm down when she saw who it was.

"Oh, Hayate. I really wasn't expecting you to come out of nowhere like that." she said with a smile plastered on her face. The maid walked towards Hayate and gave him a hard smack to the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?" he said as he proceeded to rub at the sore spot, a pout crossing his features.

"That's for scaring me out of the blue." A stern, but slightly humorous tone, was heard in her voice. "You know that I don't tolerate stuff like that."

He scratched at the back of his head, his other hand still rubbing at the now pain-numbing arm. "I'm really sorry about that."

"That's fine. Just don't do it again." She paused for a second and turned curious eyes in his direction, all traces of humor gone. "So what brings you here, Hayate?"

He stopped rubbing at his arm, a flash of hurt emerging in his eyes when he thought about what he was going to ask her. Maria caught sight of the change in mood, but chose not to point it out to him.

"I'm looking for Ojou-sama. Do you happen to know if she went to her room or not?"

Maria brought her hands to her apron and scrunched some of the fabric in her hands, pain marking her own eyes. "As a matter of fact, she did go to her room. But she looked really upset about something. And when I asked her about it, she just ran to her room and said she didn't feel up to dinner for tonight. She also said she wanted to be left alone for the remainder of the day. That was thirty minutes ago when she said that."

"…Oh." His shoulders slumped and dark shadow cast near his eyes. _'I was kind of expecting her to say that.'_

Maria held his hand in hers and offered him a sympathetic smile. "If you want, you can try again later. I was planning on coming by later to give her the soup I made. But I'll be more than happy to let you do it instead."

"Miss Maria…"

"I don't know all the details and I can't say that I'm mad at you. But, hopefully, things will all work out for the best if you are to talk with her. Right?"

"Um…well I…"

Maria walked behind him and began shoving him towards to kitchen. "Will you quit your brooding already? Everything is going to be just fine! So lets go prepare dinner for everyone and we'll worry about this whole mess later. Besides, Nagi needs some time to herself to think things over. And I can honestly tell you now, she wouldn't show any mercy to you if you suddenly barged in her room unannounced."

He looked to the floor where his feet were practically sliding across the carpet, many thoughts running through his head. "…I guess you're right."

Maria was right. He'd just try again later. That was what he thought on the way to the kitchen and all through dinner, unaware of what was to come later that night.

* * *

**A/N:** And that concludes the first chappie of this fic. I'm still a little unsure of how this is going to play out. But I've already told myself that I was going to write this, so there's no sense in backing out. But I really do hope that the rest of you enjoyed this and will accompany me through the rest of this experimental piece of fiction. So as I always say (and sorry if I sound like a broken cd player), write a comment telling me how I did. I'll be sure to keep up with the updates on a regular basis so that I don't lose some of you. Believe me, I know what it's like to wait for months on end for something to update only to see that the author puts it on hiatus or plans on not finishing it. I can assure you now that I won't be doing no such thing. You have my word for it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go raid my kitchen for something baked and smothered in chocolate. Hope that didn't make some of you go into crazy, chocolate craving mode. All I know is I've been craving something sweet for a while. So don't blame me if it happens to you also. XD Anyways, see ya!


	2. Runaway Love

**A/N:** Hello everyone. I hope all of you are fairing well during the summer heat, or in my case the rainy/heated days. Seriously, the weather here is going through hormones or something because it just can't seem to make up its mind on what it wants to do for the weeks ahead. Anyways, I managed to finish this fic before my exam in math (which is going to be a hell of an exam, if you ask me). But lucky for me, I've had a lot of time lately to study vigorously for it. So I'm taking every opportunity I can to hit the books. But not before putting in an hour or two of brainstorming how my multi fics are going to go. But I blame math because lately I've been suffering a sort of temporary writer's block that makes the two hours seem like it isn't enough. So updates may take a little more time, depending on how long this writer's block lasts for. But I'll still make the effort to get in a chapter every month. And if I happen to slip up and it takes me two months to publish another, I give you permission to round up an angry mob and hunt me down, demanding for the next chapter (granted, none of you bring pitchforks and other lethal weapons to the mob chase for I bruise easy).

But enough of that. I pretty much have nothing else that's slightly more eventful than the above mentioned to entertain you with. So I'll just step aside and let you get on to reading. That ok with you guys? Oh, who am I kidding. Of course you'll be ok with it. That's what you came for originally. Silly me.

"regular dialogue"

'_mental thought'_

memory/flashback

* * *

**Chapter 2: Runaway Love**

"Hahahha! Oh, now that was hilarious!"

"I know, huh? You should have seen your face! Haha!"

"S-shut up!"

Everyone at the table merrily chatted away between bites, discussing of the latest prank pulled on the student council president. Hinagiku, however, retorted with flushed cheeks and stuttering voice about how it wasn't nice that she was tricked into wearing a bunny outfit in front of the entire student body, stating that it was too embarrassing and provocative for a learning environment. But the others simply met her explanation with hoarse laughter and replies like "It wasn't too bad" and "You filled out nicely, though", while passing around pictures they took of her at the time she pulled off the blind fold and saw that she was standing in front of the court yard amongst a large group of students. At this, the flustered girl rose from her seat and began furiously ripping the pics away from everyone's hands.

Everyone there was in high spirits, their joyous laughter filling the corners of the large dining room and giving it a certain glow. They didn't even pay notice to the butler who sat quietly in his seat with the food on his plate untouched. They also didn't see how his face faltered, turning more grim when ever the Sanzenin heiress' name was mentioned, and the clenching of his hands under the table cloth, the room graying some around his seating area.

Hayate sat there, not really listening to the excited chatting at the table, while thinking about the things he said to Nagi before he took off. He couldn't begin to imagine the horrible thoughts that were going through her head as he looked at the very unappealing food before him. His legs wanted nothing more that to get him standing and making a mad dash towards her room, apologizing on his knees and begging for forgiveness. But Maria had insisted that Nagi be left alone for a while before barging in on her. But he honestly didn't see the point in waiting for her to sober up. To him, letting her dwell more on the situation did nothing but confirm what he didn't mean to say as truth.

And once she held an opinion on something, it was usually very hard to persuade her otherwise.

Flashes of her crying face zipped through his mind, bringing him more closer to anguish if anything. It literally caused him pain to see the effect his words had on her. He was experiencing small, involuntary spasms with bated breath and grainy vision that made the scenery around him blend with the warm colors of the dining room. But he didn't want to worry anyone, so he suffered the agony in silence.

'_It wouldn't be the first time I've done so.'_ he thought with mournful bitterness.

He continued to watch the animated talking between everyone, stirring his spoon absentmindedly in the soup as he thought about what he planned on telling Nagi.

But he was at a loss for words.

He didn't know what to tell her to justify his actions and still get the message through. He wasn't even sure if there really was a right way to go about it. All he was sure of was that Nagi was crying her eyes out in her room, under the pretense that Hayate was extremely angered and had been somewhat hostile towards her for unknown reasons. He needed to see her right away if he had any hope of remedying the situation.

_Besides, Nagi needs some time to herself to think things over._

But it was Maria's words that kept him fixated on his seat and not bounding down the hall, to her room. After all, she was being rational about this after becoming accustomed to Nagi's moods over the years. So if he had anyone's word to trust in maintaining a good relation with Nagi, it was Maria's.

He only had to wait it out for a little while longer. Just an hour more, and he could freely walk down the dreaded path and make amends for his rude behavior towards her. He'd do anything for her if it meant making her smile once more, that he was sure of.

He was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts when Maria patted his hand under the table, giving him a sympathetic smile when she saw no one looking. Hayate took comfort in her gesture and awkwardly patted her hand in return. But despite his appreciation for the maid's concern, he didn't feel it right that he was being comforted for doing something horrible to the distressed girl who needed the comfort more than him.

He promised to protect her with his very life, constantly making the effort to please her, and yet here he was drowning in self-guilt over Athena and he had the nerve to take it out on Nagi when she absolutely had nothing to do with it. She was merely concerned over his brooding mood and wanted to cheer him up, innocent motivation behind her actions.

He was hit with another wave of agonizing pain to the chest, Maria noticing it this time. She checked to make sure that the guests were well occupied with their conversation before pulling Hayate from his seat and leading him to the back of the kitchen, genuine concern etched on her features. She laid a hand on his shoulder, looking him square in the eyes in hopes that he'll reveal to her the turmoil he was going through moments before.

"Is everything alright, Hayate? Because you look like you're in pain."

He brought a hand to grasp at his chest, where his heart lay, as he spoke to Maria, no longer trying to hide the pain he was suffering through all this time.

"No. It feels like someone jabbed a thousand knives through my heart. I just can't think straight anymore."

"Hayate…"

"And that's not all." He leaned against the door frame, hanging his head low in shame for what he was about to tell her next. "I-I did something bad to Ojou-sama…a really bad thing. I said some things to her…and…I scared her for what I did. I let my anger get the best of me and took it out on her instead."

Maria remained quiet, her focus hanging on every word he said like her life depended on it. She saw him barely lift his face up, revealing the most pained eyes through his bangs. A single tear trailed down his cheeks, hitting the floor with a small platter sound. Her own heart ached from the misery shone on his face and she had the urge to embrace this broken boy before her. But she caught herself before doing anything, reminding herself that, like Nagi, Hayate needed some space as well. So she stood there, awaiting for his next words that she was sure were bound to come out.

Hayate, on the other hand, didn't care if he looked weak in front of her. He wanted someone to feel his pain, to understand what it was like to drown in sadness, to see all that life has done to him and to hear the raw pain in his voice.

He didn't want to feel like he was alone in it.

His voice cracked from the weight of his words, another tear making its escape while he struggled to formulate a sentence through his chocked up mood.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" It sounded more like a plea than a question. Maria didn't know how to answer, for she was still confused by the whole matter that transpired between the butler and his master.

"…I don't see why not." She let a small smile grace her features as she added in with, "And besides, you and her have a deep bond that'll never be severed regardless of what happened."

Hayate didn't look convinced in the least. Instead, he closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and gripped tighter on his uniform.

Without another word, he wordlessly stood up from the wall and walked to the kitchen doors leading to the hall.

"Hayate?"

He halted at the door when he heard Maria call out to him.

"Are you going to be ok?"

"…."

"You know…" she said in a solemn tone. "Nagi would never hold anything against you. She cares about you too much to think any less of you."

"…."

"So please…don't punish yourself for what happened."

He pushed the door open with one hand, back going slack in an act of depression. He lifted his head up and spoke to her in a monotone voice before taking his leave.

"I'll be in my room."

Maria was dumbstruck by the way he said it, pausing from saying what ever it was she planned to retort with. Hayate, on the other hand, took her silence as an opportunity to leave the kitchen and mourn in his own privacy, walking through the doors without another word to her.

He walked down the hall till he reached his room on the left hand side, some rooms away from Nagi's. He entered the dark room and locked the door behind him after closing it. When his hazy mind finally registered that he was alone, he let his body slide down the door and put a palm to his face. The tears came back full force as they cascaded down his pale cheeks and landed on the wooded floor. He furiously wiped at them, angry with himself for allowing such weakness when he was supposed to be strong for his master who was, no doubt, crying her heart out like he was.

"W-why the hell do I do this to her?" he asked no one in particular. Tresses of light blue hair began sticking to his cheeks as he spoke to himself.

He looked down to the outstretched palm on his lap, charm bracelet lazily hanging between his fingertips.

_GET AWAY FROM ME!_

He clutched the gift tightly in his hands until he felt it imprinting on his skin. But even after that, he still kept a vice grip on it.

A storm was brewing outside his room. But it didn't bother him in the least. He was too engulfed in his inner turmoil to notice.

His vision was getting really blurry, and yet he still didn't care.

The pain was just too great to ignore.

A loud, crashing sound rang throughout the room and the rain began to pound harder on his window.

"I wonder if Ojou-sama is cowering under her covers right at this very moment?" A sad smile, barely reaching over the crease between his lips on the side, formed on his face as he reminiscences of the many encounters he had with a frightened Nagi over the matter.

She was never too thrilled for thunderstorms when they came. Whenever they occurred, she'd have him play games with her to occupy her panic-filled mind and distract her from the weather outside. Maria would bake them some tasty treats as they played and he'd tuck her in bed when she fell asleep.

The memories are still fresh in his mind as he replays them. He remembers a particular moment, months before, when the weather got bad…

….

"Hayaaaate!" He was reading a book on his bed when the young heiress came running into his room, wailing at the top of her lungs. She crashed into his body, toppling him over across the white comforter and the book fell on the floor with a thud as it was long forgotten in the confusion.

He looked up to see numerous tears trailing down her petite face, eyes scrunched up in fear.

"Ojou-sama?"

She didn't respond to him. Instead, she fisted her hands on his shirt and let more tears leak out of her eyes.

It didn't register to him till after he heard the familiar thunder clashing outside when he remembered why she'd suddenly acted this way. In a gesture of sympathy, he patted her head and lifted himself from the bed so that Nagi was sitting on his lap. He rubbed soothing circles on the girl's back as she cried on his chest.

"It's ok, Ojou-sama. I'm right here. So nothing is going to happen to you."

At hearing this, the blonde lifted her head and looked him in the eyes with a pout etched on her features. Her cheeks were rosy from all the crying she'd been doing. But Hayate found it cute.

"I-I'm…sniff…sorry Hayate. I didn't mean to d-disturb you…sniff."

Hayate grabbed the tissue box from his nightstand and handed her a tissue to use. She accepted it gratefully and blew into it with a lot of force. Once she was done using it, he took the used paper from her hands and dumped it into the trash bin nearby. The howling of the wind could be heard as the rain crashed onto the window with a fury, startling the girl once more. She hugged him closer to her body while shedding new tears, further soaking his shirt.

"There's nothing to be scared of, Ojou-sama." He tipped her head upward with two fingers so that she could see the sincerity on his face. "In fact, the rainy weather is kind of fascinating when you look at it from a different perspective."

"R-really?"

"Sure. I, for one, love thunderstorms because you get to play in the rain and it makes for the perfect excuse to sit around a fire and eat smores with hot chocolate."

She blinked back the tears and offered him a warm smile. "You're right, Hayate."

Whether it was due to the heat or something else entirely different, Hayate couldn't help the thump of his heart when he saw her smiling like that. It wasn't the usual smiles of mischief or taunting.

No. This one was genuine and from the heart. It nearly took his breath away.

He didn't know what came over him, but he suddenly had the urge to hug her tightly and never let go. But he brushed it aside, knowing full well that Nagi was of a higher class than himself and doing such things to her wasn't appropriate.

Nagi, not noticing the change in his eyes, rose from his lap and proceeded to open up the covers and lay under them. An immense blush covered both their faces.

"O-Ojou-sama?" he said out of nervousness. He wasn't too sure if he was comfortable with the idea the pre-teen was implying, be that it was innocent in nature.

Nagi pulled the covers till it reached under her chin while muttering to the fear-stricken butler, "I-I don't want to be alone tonight."

He sat there for a moment, looking on at the small girl hiding under the covers- her face rosy and emerald eyes pleading with him to let her stay. 

He couldn't say no to that.

So he got under the covers with her, leaving a considerable amount of space between them. But this didn't go well with Nagi. She scooted over to his side and wrapped her arms around his torso, burying her face in his chest once more. This caused the butler to blush a deeper shade. He lay there, immobile, for a couple of seconds, unsure of what to do in this situation. But as the girl tugged on him tighter, he found a little courage to awkwardly wrap his arms around her small frame. And contrary to what he'd been thinking moments ago, having Nagi in his arms was very comfortable.

He felt her hot breath on his chest as she spoke through the material. "Will you promise to always be by my side?" She sounded concerned when she asked this, borderline sadness, and he wondered if she was going to cry again.

"We've already been through this, haven't we Ojou-sama?"

"I-I'm just asking, you jerk! Hmph!"

"I'm sorry, Ojou-sama! I didn't mean to question you or anything."

"Then just answer the darn question already!" He could hear her temper flare up, so he acted quickly to answer her.

"Y-Yes, Ojou-sama. Of course."

She lifted her head to look him straight in the eyes, an annoyed expression on her face. "Are you sure?"

"Very sure."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

She held a pinky to his face. "Promise you'll never think any less of me? No matter what I do or how many stupid things I say to you on accident?"

He lifted his hand from her back and offered his pinky to link with hers.

"I promise."

Both shook on it and, eventually, succumbed to the sleep that waited them, smiles gracing each of their lips as they embraced one another.

Little did she know, he would ultimately break his promise to her months later and hurt her in a way he'd never have intended. He hurt her physically and emotionally and stormed off afterwards, leaving her alone to sort things out on the cold ground with her heart broken and her confidence in him shattered.

And all because his heart was broken that night too.

He pounded a hand on the ground, dropping his head back on the door. He'd long since cried out all his tears, but the depression weighted on his heart all the same.

He wanted nothing more than to see her smiling again like she did back then.

But he knew he couldn't- not now anyway. He still had to give her the space she needed. At least, that's what Maria suggested.

But how could he when his master was crying alone in her room, while a thunderstorm was raging on? He didn't like the idea of her being alone when such events happened. If he could, he'd run into her room and wrap the girl in his arms. He'd tell her that the rain wasn't something to be afraid of. He'd play games with her and eat all kinds of junk food till he couldn't stuff anything more in his stomach. He'd even let her sleep on his bed again and make a million promises to her if she wanted.

And most of all, he'd tell her how sorry he was and spend the rest of eternity convincing her of that. Because when she was down, so was he. She was the sole reason he managed to find happiness again, despite his recent thinking.

So he'll tuck away his remorse to the farther regions of his heart and wait another hour to see her.

Granted, the next hour didn't turn out bad.

* * *

11:59 p.m.

He exited his room, tears dried on his cheeks and hair a bit messier than before. He changed into a pair of jeans and a black sleeved shirt, discarding the butler uniform because it was soaked at the front from his crying. Hayate noticed that it was particularly quiet around the house, contrary to all the bustling of the girls from earlier. He assumed that everyone went ahead to their rooms to get their much needed shut eye for their departure tomorrow. A light filtered through the bottom of the kitchen doors and he decided to have a look and see who was up at this hour. Upon entering the kitchen, he looked to the side to see Maria heating up the leftover soup in the microwave. She gave him a small smile and handed him a tray with a glass of orange juice and a spoon.

"The soup will be done in a minute."

He looked at her as she scrambled to gather all that she needed to put on the tray, pulling out napkins, crackers and a saltshaker. The guilt from their talk earlier resurfaced and he felt an urgent need to apologize to her as well. But when he opened his mouth to say something, Maria interjected by putting a finger to his lips and patted him on the shoulder in a friendly manner.

"And don't you dare say you're sorry, because you shouldn't."

"But I-"

"Nope. I won't hear of it if it means beating yourself up more with guilt." She pulled out the soup from the microwave and placed it on the tray. "Now go take this to Nagi before I really get mad."

She pushed him to the door and turned around to clean up the mess in the kitchen. But Hayate stuck by the door, appreciative smile on his lips, as he spoke out to the girl at the sink.

"Thank you, Miss Maria."

Maria twisted her head in his direction and smiled wider, scrubbing at a plate in the soapy water. "Try to be more conservative with your words, will you? I don't know if I can stand the sadness from either of you anymore."

"All right."

"Oh…" she dried her hands on her apron and approached the butler. She pinched at both his cheeks and stretched them high up on his face, much to Hayate's discomfort. "And just to let you know, the goofy grin gets her every time. So do remember that when you see her and get to talking things over. Got it?"

"Gwah hik." He tried working his lips around the pull of her fingers, only managing what sounded like 'Got it' through his mouth.

"Good. No get over there and fix things with Nagi."

"I will." he said after Maria released the hold she had on his mouth. He swung the door open and proceeded to make his way towards Nagi's room.

He walked down the dimly lit hall with a bit of confidence. Maybe it was the fact that Maria had supported him through this or he came to the sudden conclusion that letting his problems get in the way of this wasn't going to solve anything. But whatever the case, he didn't mind the stroll to her room. He passed a couple of rooms with the same amount of confidence he left the kitchen with. But as he passed his room, he became more hesitant than before to walk the remaining feet. The tray shook in his hands, causing the plate and cup to clank about, and he had to grind on his teeth just to hold on to some control.

'_You can do this, Hayate. Just walk in there and beg her for forgiveness. Simple as that.'_

His strides got shorter as he got nearer to her room. But he continued to walk on, keeping in mind that he still had to fix matters with his master even if it killed him to come face-to-face with her after what happened.

'_But, what if she doesn't want to hear me out? Will she come to see that she doesn't need me anymore? _

The hall lamps flickered for a second and then went out all together, causing him to stand still while waiting for the lights to come back on. He tried to adjust his eyes in the darkness, in hopes that he'll catch sight of Nagi's bedroom door. That was when the lightning outside flashed and gave him a momentary look of where it was. Using this as a golden opportunity to not be stuck in the hall, he quickly walked to where the door was and leaned a hand on it before it got dark again.

He balanced the tray against the door and lifted his other hand to rest on the door knob. His fingers lightly brushed the smooth surface, curling and uncurling around the brass object. Chills ran down his spine from the mere thought of what awaited him inside.

'_I-I don't think I can do this. I don't want to be rejected twice today. It hurt a lot just to lose A-Tan. But if Ojou-sama decided to stray from me too…then I'm not sure if I can go on like this anymore.'_

Her crying face surfaced in his mind and the shivers from her body caused him to inwardly shiver in turn. This was the hardest thing he's ever had to do; seeking amends between him and the girl who meant the world to him. He wasn't sure how it was going to turn out, but he hoped that it would turn out for the best.

'_It's now or never.'_ He inhaled deeply and gripped the door knob, slowly turning it clockwise with much anticipation. When he opened it half ways, he was met with darkness. The large, glass doors were the only source of illumination in the room.

"Ojou-sama? Are you in here?" He kept his eyes peeled for any type of noise, but the only sounds in the room was the storm outside and the fluttering of curtains. He managed to find the nightstand and decided to set the tray on it. Afterwards, he took tiny steps around the room in search of the ex-heiress.

"Ojou-sama. It's me. Can you tell me if you're here?" But again, he was met with more silence. He got a little worried from this and called out to her some more, increasing the speed of his steps.

"Please, Ojou-sama. I'm getting really worried." The lightning clashed loudly and the wind became more fiercer, blowing around papers and other flimsy objects. By now, Hayate was sprinting around the room, not caring if he ran into any furniture. His eyes darted from one end of the dark room to the other in hopes of catching a glimpse of the girl.

"Ojou-!" And just like he hoped wouldn't happen, he ran into a piece of furniture and flew backwards from impact. He heard several objects fall to the ground, one landing on top of his sore head. "Ouch…" He rubbed at his head, mentally cursing whatever it was he ran into. Another round of thunder flashed, giving light to the room. Hayate looked straight to see that it was a bookshelf that caused the accident and a flashlight at the foot of full-body mirror next to the wooden piece. He lunged for the light and switched it on, pointing it at the shelf.

He lifted himself off the floor and flashed and flashed the light all around the room. He saw that Nagi's bed was perfectly made and everything else looked tidy. But what caught him off guard was the envelope sitting on the middle of the bed, along with Nagi's favorite straw hat. Curiosity got the best of him and he reached forward to grab the envelope. He opened it and pulled out the tiny, pink note (despite her tough exterior, Nagi was still a girl) and read the contents of it. His eyes quickly scanned the note before him, the thunder raging on behind him all the while.

But not a minute passed before he felt his heart sink to his stomach, eyes dilated in the expanse of white, and he bolted out of the room in a haste to find Maria, the letter fisted in his hand. He ran down the hall calling out for the maid, who he hoped was still awake.

"Miss Maria! Miss Maria!" When he saw that all the lights were out and there was no sign of any candlelight or such, he raced it down the opposite side of the hall till he reached Maria's room near the living quarters. He skidded in front of it and banged hard on the wooden door to get her attention.

"Miss Maria! You have to wake up immediately!" It's an emergency! MISS MARIA!"

He heard the lock twisting from the other side of the door and a sleepy Maria opened it half ways, yawning into her right hand and regarding the butler with droopy eyes.

"Yawn…Hayate? What's all the noi-?"

"We have an emergency!"

Her face became more serious at his words and she fully opened the door to step out and walk closer to the distressed boy. "What are you talking about, Hayate? What emergency?"

"I-It's Ojou-sama…"

"And what about her?" She couldn't help the desperation in her voice when she asked.

"She's…I mean…she's…here!" He shoved the crumbled letter into her hands, bringing a hand to furiously rub at the blue tresses on his temple. He looked panicked and Maria wasn't sure what to make of the situation. So she unfolded the letter and began reading it for herself.

During that time, Ayumu and Hinagiku emerged from the shadows.

Ayumu rubbed at her eyes and tried to stifle a yawn when she questioned Hayate about the ruckus. "What's going on here?"

"Yeah. We heard you yelling and we weren't sure what it was about."

The other girls soon joined the group, confusion evident on their voices as well.

"Can someone explain to me what's going on?" said Izumi from behind Ayumu, clutching a stuffed animal around her torso (probably didn't notice she walked out with it).

"Oh no…" came Maria's shaky voice, grabbing everyone's attention to her holding a letter in her trembling hands.

"Maria?" Hinagiku cautiously asked. She was starting to get nervous from the display of fear in her posture.

"We have to call the cops NOW!" She ran to the living room and proceeded to call the police, everyone hot on her tail. All except one.

Izumi stayed behind and examined the object on the ground before picking up the letter that fell to the floor in the maid's haste. Her eyes slanted downward and a single tear escaped from one eye as she read the letter in her hands.

If you're reading this Hayate, I just want to say that I'm very sorry.

Words alone can't describe the hate I feel for myself from causing you so much pain.

I should have paid more attention to your feelings instead of overlooking them like I usually do and causing you such misfortune.

I've been naïve and stupid for not realizing the hurt I've caused.

In the end, all I got out of this "friendship" of ours was your hate.

But I don't mind because I deserved it. And you're right. You shouldn't have to feel miserable while I'm being happy.

As your master, I should have noticed the sadness you've been carrying and remedied the situation on the spot.

But I didn't. So that means I've failed you as your master.

So as my final act of atonement, I hereby release you to enjoy the rest of your youth without me burdening you.

I don't want to be the cause of your hurt. I'd rather lose my fortune twice than to impose on your life.

I've also decided to leave and live somewhere far from you. If my presence alone caused you so much pain, I can't imagine what it's done for everyone else.

So I don't expect you to feel sorry for me or forgive me. I just want you to feel happy. Because your happiness is my own.

Before I left, I requested Clause-san to entrust you and Maria with the needed financial support. And if you want, you can still continue to work for the Sanzenins.

So use this opportunity to finish school and go to college, Hayate. You always said your dream was to become a lawyer and help children who couldn't help themselves.

I think that's a beautiful dream. And I'm making sure that you pursue it with the financial help of my family.

And Hayate? Promise me that you'll be happy.

So don't bother looking for me. I'd rather get as far away from you as possible if it means easing the hurt I've unintentionally dealt on you.

I'll never interfere in your affairs ever again, that I can assure you.

So smile big and live large because that's what I want for you.

Because that's the Hayate I love most of all.

I'm sorry. And good-bye my favorite butler.

Good-bye.

* * *

**A/N:** The letter was a real tear-jerker to write. And I'm sorry that I had to pull Nagi out of the picture like that. But it was necessary for the story. But don't worry. Nagi will make her appearance again so hang in there till then.

But what did you guys think of chappie 2? I want to hear your thoughts on it. So leave me a comment telling me how I did and I'll make sure to work on chapter 3 in the meantime.

So like my baby brother says, "Tootles!"


	3. Because I'm Capable Of Nothing

**A/N:** Welcome, fellow followers to chapter three of the story. It feels good to know that this is getting good reviews. Now I'm confident that I can finish this story without a hassle. So thank you reviewers for your thoughtful comments and helpful advice. This chapter is for you guys.

On a side note, I'm really sorry for the length. I didn't mean for it to be shorter than the other two. But at the same time, I felt I ended it at an appropriate place. I don't know. I was at odds with this for a while. Though, I was also glad for the distraction because I didn't think so much about my recently dislocated knee. It hurts like a bitch. And let me tell you, it's really screwed up with my whole schedule. But I'm learning to adjust. Hmm…maybe that's where all my sudden angst came from?

Any hoo, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

**Chapter 3: Because I'm Capable of Nothing**

"Yesterday night, at around 11 p.m., Nagi Sanzenin, heiress of the Sanzenin family, was said to have ran away from her vacation home in Greece. Police there have made grand efforts to look for the girl-."

Click

"On other news, police are on the search for Nagi Sanz-."

Click

"It's a shame that such a young girl decided to venture on her own."

Click

"Girl is probably doing it as a publicity stun-."

Click

"Nagi Sanzenin, age 13, was reported-."

Click

Lifeless eyes gazed at the TV as the channels were changed each time Nagi's name was mentioned. Even though the body was physically there, the person's mind was far from reality. There was no shine in the person's eyes. It's as though the life was sucked right out of the soul and torn apart to bits, leaving nothing but an empty shell in its place.

Maria, having been doing chores to keep her distracted, passed by the living room and saw the saddening scene before her. She walked over to the couch and grabbed the remote from the person's hand while staring them straight in the eye, sympathy etched in her irises. But the person was unresponsive.

"Hayate…it's been two weeks since the trip that you've cooped yourself up in the house. You should go out and get some fresh air. It'll do you good."

Hayate didn't seem to notice Maria's presence as he continued to wander through the thoughts in his mind, all of which consisted of that tragic night weeks ago when Nagi went missing. His hands were trembling the whole night and the letter was nicely crumbled from the relentless grip he had on it some time before it was handed to an officer there. But even then, he didn't tear his gaze from the pink parchment, the color its own contradiction to the sorrowful mood that thickened the air and nearly choked him in the process. He tried to keep the tears at bay as best he could, but that was like trying to block a dam full of water with a bucket; much too impossible there and equally unsuccessful for the butler who stood there, broken and lost. Everyone continuously questioned the officers, all in tears also and in hysterics for their missing friend. The officers attempted to calm them by assuring the girls that they would do everything in their power to find her and the best course of action for them to do was to sit back and let them do their job, while holding on to faith that she'll return safe and sound.

Safe and sound…

Two words he used numerous times when he promised the young girl he'd protect her. But what did the words mean now when she wasn't here to be protected? He wondered that throughout the whole plane ride back home. All he knew was that he didn't seem fit to utter those words…he didn't think he had the right to.

It's true they fought a lot, they laughed tons, they shed more tears than counted and they disappointed each other on various occasions. They were polar opposites and it was to be expected that life wouldn't always be easy for them. But he always made good on his promises. In fact, he prided himself when ever he saved her and she graced him with a 100 mega watt smile. It gave him more reason to look forward to doing it again, even if it involved putting her life in danger to get to that point.

But now, he'll never be able to see that smile on her face or be the reason for it anymore. Fate made it very clear that night in Greece that he was destined for misery. If it wasn't enough that he went through an enormous amount of pain in the past, it had to be a crueler thing by taking away the last bit of happiness he had to hold on to.

Or maybe he just did it on his own to prevent from getting hurt later in the years to come; a subconscious reflex to push away possible heartbreak before it got to him first.

He didn't know what to think anymore, not since Nagi decided to leave his life for good.

Maria couldn't handle a moping Hayate any longer. So with all the strength she could muster, she brought her arms around his limp body and attempted to get him in a standing position. It took her some time, considering he didn't make an effort to move himself and she was a girl with minimal strength (though a lot of it could of been blamed on her depressed state), but she managed to prop him against the armrest and in a semi-standing stance. It was good enough.

"Hayate, lets go outside for a while. Ok?"

He still had that far away look in his eyes, the look of someone who lost their reason to go on.

Maria took this time to get a real look at the broken man beside her. She noticed that his eyes looked sunken in, dark rings decorated the underside. His skin looked paler than usual. His once bright blue hair was now dingy and matted down around his expressionless face. And his clothes, the ones he's worn for a week, were wrinkled and reeked of sweat and regular body stench.

To put it bluntly, he looked horrible.

And it made her want to cry from seeing how far gone he was.

"Come on, Hayate. The weather is really nice out." And again, he didn't say anything. And she didn't expect him to.

She propped an arm under his own and proceeded to walk them out the door. She tripped a couple of times while she attempted to hold him upright on their way and opening the door with the added weight was more of a challenge than she thought. But she managed to twist the brass knob and used the other side of her body to push the door open.

They were right away greeted by the sun's rays and a burst of morning air. A butterfly fluttered above the lilac flowerbed, birds chirped happily in the trees and the sprinklers gave the grassy lawn an extra sheen. She inhaled deeply, happy to be out after some time. She carefully walked them down the stairs and dragged the teen to a nearby tree by the rose garden. She used both hands to hold him steady and lowered him on the ground. His head lulled back against the tree and his hands were strewn on either side of him.

His dull, baby blues gazed to the sky. They were unmoving and unfocused.

Maria absentmindedly fingered her apron, looking at the sky as well. She wasn't sure what to do now. Starting conversation seemed futile, considering she was the only one making an effort to speak, and just sitting out here in silence wasn't as appealing. She wished Tama was around. he usually made the atmosphere lighter and more bearable to withstand. And she really needed something to get Hayate's mind off Nagi's recent disappearance. But he was too depressed to leave the room and resorted to complete seclusion.

She couldn't blame him either. Everyone was affected by this.

Nagi's friends rarely came around. She ran into Hinagiku in the grocery store one time. But it was really awkward. They stood there in the meat aisle for five minutes without saying a word, looking down and shuffling their feet on the laminate floor. They greeted one another and went their separate ways right after. That was three days ago.

But other than that, she hadn't seen any of the others for a long while. And it has been becoming more lonelier by the days.

The wind picked up and brushed her hair about, obscuring her vision of the blue sky and the birds flying free in it. She turned her eyes to the side to look at the broken butler beside her.

A single tear rolled down his face, hanging at the tip of his jaw before dropping to the bottom of his ragged, grey t-shirt. His bottom lip quivered a little, startling the girl next to him.

"Nagi?" he said, barely above a whisper. It sounded pained-lost in the haze of memories he was experiencing. She stayed silent, stunned by the fact that he was speaking again.

"Nagi?" he said again. His voice picked up in volume, but still held the lost tone from before.

She brushed his bangs aside, coming face to face with his dull eyes glassy from the emotions he was experiencing. He slowly turned his face her way and she could swear a ghostly smile tugged at the corner of his lips- his eyes gained a little light in them.

"Nagi. I-it's really you." He sounded hopeful as he said this. Maria didn't want to break the illusion, but knew he needed to snap out of it if he wanted to keep the little bit of sanity he had left. She was determined to help him get over his depression. And leading him on wasn't going to do him any good.

She shook her head side-to-side, eyes slanting downward in sadness. "No, Hayate. I'm Maria."

His eyes widened a little, as though in disbelief. "Nagi?"

"Nagi is gone, Hayate. She ran away, remember?"

"No…" he whispered, holding his head and looking down at the grass.

"I'm so sorry."

"No, no, no, no…"

"Hayate. It's gonna be ok. Nagi will come back."

"No. This can't be."

She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder to steady him as violent tremors shook his body. "Please don't do this to yourself, Hayate."

"Nagi?" The tears pooled around his eyes and rushed out like a river. In an act of hysterics, his body collapsed on hers and he cried out loudly in misery. "N-Nagi…sniff. N-Nagi. P-please come b-back. Please."

"It's gonna be alright, Hayate. It's gonna be alright."

She felt her own tears drop from her eyes and she didn't make an effort to try and stop them. So she sat there patting his back till he stopped crying, while mourning her own loss.

He didn't stop crying like that for an hour. But when he did, he went inside, sat in his room, locked the door and cried himself senselessly again.

Maria stayed by the door, listening in till she heard him quiet down. Because it was all she could do.

All she was ever capable of these days.

* * *

Maria came by his room the next day with a tray full of food and a glass of milk. She knocked six times and called for him four.

But he didn't answer either.

"I'll leave your food on the floor. You should really take a taste of this. I think I perfected the omelet this time around." she added with a cheerful tone. Again he didn't reply.

"Ok. Well…I'll be downstairs cleaning if you need me." She waited to hear if he'd say anything. But it remained silent.

So she walked downstairs and went into the kitchen to clean the dishes in the sink. She pulled on a pair of pink rubber gloves and picked a plate from the soapy water, scrubbing it with a blue sponge. She scrubbed at a few other plates and utensils and left them to dry on a rack. Afterwards, she hung the gloves over the sink rim and took the broom out of the pantry to sweep.

Her thoughts were getting the best of her. And before she knew it, she was in deep thought over the matters at hand.

'_I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like everything is falling apart before my very eyes. And I can't do a single thing about it.'_

She sweeps under the countertops and table. But as she sweeps along the baseboards and under the cabinets, she inadvertently rubs her elbow against the countertop and knocks over something. She hears it shatter on the floor and turns around quickly to inspect the damage.

Her breath hitches.

There, on the ground, lied the broken pieces of Nagi's glass frame she made in art class. Inside the frame was a picture of the trio at the zoo. Nagi stood in the middle, decked in a pink skirt and a white tank top with the words 'Zoo Animal' written on it. She was pulling a wide smiling Hayate wearing the same shirt as Nagi and a slightly embarrassed Maria, wearing a blue shirt with a cartoon seal, to the middle. All three were linking arms in the photo.

She knelt down to pick up the photo from the glass pieces. She gives it a long stare, remembering the time there.

'_We were all so happy then.'_ she thought, fingering the photo with a small smile on her face. It was just an ordinary day at the time. But it became a priceless memory that she feared she'd never get back. Her eyes traveled to the smiling blonde, face peppered with funnel cake crumbs and balloon rabbit ears on her head.

'_Why did you have to leave? Wasn't it enough to just be happy here with us?'_ Her face turned grim with the next thought. _'Did you honestly think we'd be happiest without you? Is that what was going through your head when I let you run to your room without pursuing the matter like always?'_

"**I'm just fine, Maria."**

"**I don't feel up for eating right now."**

"**I'll be in my room. So please don't follow."**

"**I-I'm sorry."**

Her back was the last thing she saw before hearing of her disappearance hours later. She didn't think much of it at the time. But she regrets it the most- that she didn't follow and ask her about her problem.

'_Was it my fault that you left? Did you feel like you had no one to talk to?'_ Tears hit the top of her hands as she gazed at the photo of Nagi. _'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I made you feel alone in your time of need, Nagi. So please come back. For my sake. And for everyone else's. Hayate really needs you right about now. He's lost his will to live happy and it's up to you to come back. You just have to.'_

The timer on the dryer to the laundry went off, snapping Maria out of her moment of sadness. She vigorously wipes the tears away in shame. _'What am I doing? I gotta stay strong for our remaining family. I can't help Hayate and Tama if I'm wallowing in sadness myself. I have to stay strong for the both of them!'_ She stands up, a tiny fire lit in her eyes and a determined expression on her features.

She carefully sets the photo on the countertop and sweeps up the broken glass, putting it in a plastic container to fix later. _'Nagi wouldn't like it if I threw away her wonderful creation that she spent so much time on, as she puts it.'_ she tells herself. It's a comforting notion that puts her mind at ease.

She goes to the laundry room and puts the dry clothes in a basket to carry to her room for folding. She stops to give the photo one last glance, shakes her head and walks to her room on the bottom floor.

It takes her ten minutes to fold all the laundry on her bed and put her clothes away in drawers. She places Hayate's in the basket and walks upstairs to put his in his room.

She becomes disappointed to see the food untouched.

Hours later, she sees his clothes outside his door along with the breakfast.

She figures she'll try again later. Because it's all she's capable of at the moment.

And because Hayate has resorted to eating less these days.

* * *

Three days later, and she's still going over the same routine: make a meal and set it outside Hayate's door, clean the house, check up on him (either to see the food untouched or a little is gone from the try), get no replies, check on Tama, see the same thing with his food tray, clean up those dishes, make new meals, set it outside the doors, water the garden, drag Hayate from the room, set him in the living room, comfort him later, watch him leave, do it all over again the next day.

It was so routine, it hurt her. Life wasn't supposed to be this way for them. Yet the incident made it so.

It frustrated the maid. But she doesn't know how to grasp control of a situation that's out of her hands. So she patiently waits for progress to emerge from the ashes of their sorrow.

Klause came by that day to see how they were holding up.

He doesn't mind that they decided to keep with their jobs. He says it comforts him to know that his 'people' were near by. He asks about Hayate and how he's doing.

"Oh, you know. He's up and busy as usual." she says cheerfully.

Klause doesn't buy it in the least. But he respects their privacy enough to know not to pry. It's not his place to meddle where he shouldn't.

He sits and has lunch with her. They talk a little about the weather and the daily gossip. The ex-heiress' name isn't mentioned in all that time. It's too touchy a subject. So they leave it be.

"I must say, this fish is fantastic."

"Thank you, sir."

"Have you thought about becoming a chef? I can recommend you to someone if you'd like?"

"No. That's alright. Besides, I have other things to take care of before I can ever think of myself." Klause catches on to the meaning, but doesn't voice his thoughts.

"I guess I'll ask you another time when you're ready."

"That sounds good." He puts his fork down and wipes his lips clean with the napkin on his lap. "Well, then. I should be going now."

"Ok. I'll walk you out."

He gathers his belongings and heads for the door. Maria opens it wide for him to leave, a fake smile plastered on her face. He turns her way, eyes speaking of an emotion he rarely lets show on his face.

"You take care of yourself. Got it?"

"Of course."

"I mean it." he says firmly.

"…I know."

He turns away and she shuts the door, locking it in place. She wipes a hand down her face, smile slanted downward, and heaves a long sigh. Because it's all she's capable of at the minute.

And because she knows that lying can't deceive the man's knowing eyes.

* * *

Up in his room, a sullen Hayate sits on his bed, bedspread tossed to the floor and pillows thrown in different directions. He leans against the wooden headboard, fingering the charm bracelet in his hand.

Her bracelet.

He closes his eyes in remembrance- remembers that night he destroyed their lives. He blames himself immensely for it.

The memories come in flashes- his friends huddled together, crying in the living room, Maria pacing about and constantly questioning an officer of their course of action to find Nagi, and himself…standing there, lost and confused. He abandoned tears for the rest of the night, hanging on to the thread of hope, as thin as it was at the time, that she'd be found and in his arms again.

But it didn't happen like that. So he abandoned his hope for more tears instead.

He's become accustomed to seeing illusions of the girl running around in his room or her face replacing another's. It recently happened with Maria in the backyard a few days ago.

At first, he was thinking about her. But then the wind blew in and he heard her voice, cheerily calling to him from the side. He doesn't know how he got outside, when he vaguely remembers being in the living room, or if what he was experiencing was a dream. But the wind seemed so real, the grass really true, and her voice most likely reality.

He turned to the side and saw her smiling at him. She was wearing the same outfit from that fateful night in Greece. And her smile was the same like in Greece.

He almost couldn't believe his eyes.

Nagi called to him again, a little more cheeky this time. A light blush covered her cheeks and her eyes shined brightly. He called her name as well, happy to see her again.

But when she spoke again, the voice coming from her mouth sounded like Maria's. The girl before him claimed that she was Maria, not Nagi, and that Nagi would return soon. His image of her was shattered and he began to see Maria's features seeping through the melting colors of blonde and green.

His heart was breaking all over again from the realization. He couldn't take it anymore and cried hoarsely in her arms, pleading for Nagi to return.

He mostly kept to himself these days, wanting to stay away from all things that reminded him of Nagi. And it worked for the most part. He didn't feel the urge to cry as much nor did he feel compelled to talk it over if he didn't have anyone around. In the process of keeping from remembering Nagi, he's also pulled away from his friends. It bothered him, broke him a little, and made him feel alone and empty.

But he supposes that nothing makes him feel more hurt than losing Nagi from his life. He lived, breathed, and aspired for her presence. She was his sole reason for living life to the fullest and taking up opportunities to better himself.

'_But what good does it do if she isn't here?'_

It's a question that constantly picks at his mind. It eats him from the inside and makes him feel like crap. Each time the question runs through his head, he feels like less of a man and more of a coward.

'_What if she never comes back?'_

He almost can't believe his mind would betray him like that, contemplating such a question when his heart was still holding on to hope.

Weak hope. But it was hope nonetheless.

But he doesn't allow his mind to wander the possibilities. He grips the charm harder, imprinting the shape on his fingers, and he feels himself come back down to earth. It gives him time to come up with something else to think about- even if the distraction is also about Nagi. But at least it doesn't concern the possibility of her not returning.

He's thought it before. And from what he can say, it doesn't end prettily. He's learned that his temper gets the better of him when the thought pops up (Maria had to clean up after him when he ended up breaking a clock, a chair and a drawer in his room).

So he's since learned to busy himself with other thoughts of her, ones less violent in nature.

But it does little to ease his hurting heart. He still thinks of her. He wonders where she's at, what she's doing, if she's safe, and if she's adjusting well in her new environment.

He hopes that she's being treated the respect he's given her and not that of a second class citizen (high society has always been her life, so she knows no other. And he fears that anything less would throw her in a pit of confusion and loss of belonging in regular life). He also hopes that who ever she's living with aren't bad people.

He imagines her in a regular home, with a cheerful couple and their kids. His mind paints the picture of a daughter around her age and an older brother. They all get along really great and converse like a normal family. They eat together at the table and watch tv in the living room after dinner. Occasionally, Nagi will seat in front of the tv screen and instruct the other children how to properly play a video game. Life looks good for them. But his imagination gets the better of him and he starts to see the fiction brother warming up to Nagi…a little too comfortably. An ugly emotion bubbles in his blood and he's not sure of what it is. But he doesn't like it one bit.

It makes him think impure thoughts, those bordering in the brother's 'sudden' disappearance or at least physically looking beat.

He squeezes the charm a little harder. It makes him wince in pain.

He then looks to the ceiling and pictures her smiling face again. It gives him comfort to see it, even if it's just in his mind. Her smile, wide and reaching to her ears, lighting her face and her pigtails swishing back and forth between her head, full of mischievous thoughts and thoughtful ideas. She was never a bad person. Just spoiled and behaved much like her age.

He allows himself a small smile from the thought.

But the memory of Greece resurfaces and his smile is long gone. Her eyes, a nice forest green that represented her lively spirit, were glazed a dark emerald under his intimidating stature. Her body shook with fear.

Fear of him.

He falls face first onto his blue bed. A dark blue from the lack of light in his room, save the light creeping under his door. He turns his head to the side to look at the charm clutched tightly in his hand, numerous indentations marring his skin red. He wonders how many more imprints he'll have to give himself before he becomes convinced that she'll return safe and sound.

He squeezes again because he knows that thought was bound to lead somewhere bad.

"Hayate? I have some food here for you. This time, I made you some steak." He doesn't feel for talking, so he merely listens to her speak. "I hope you'll enjoy it." He can still see the shadow of her form cast against the hall light under the door. A low, and almost inaudible, sigh escapes her lips, so she takes her leave from in front of his room. He hears her footsteps disappear in the distance, indicating that she left to go downstairs.

She may have sounded cheerful. But he knew better. He knew that his seclusion was hurting her more than she led on.

But he couldn't get over Nagi. It didn't feel right that he could be happy while she was probably somewhere where she wasn't happy at all. It made his stomach churn to think so.

But he silently apologizes to the maid each time. Because it's all he's capable of in those seconds that he crushes her spirit.

And because he still won't allow himself happiness while the other half of his heart is missing.

* * *

**A/N:** …I think I'm gonna cry. Gosh, that was really hard to write. At first, I'd intended to make this a simple chapter that showed how everyone was holding up. But then, it became this tearjerker chapter. And I have to say that I'm really proud of how this came out. I think I captured the emotion that everyone is experiencing.

But enough of me. I want to hear your thoughts on how to came out. And you know what to do. Just click that review button and lay it on what you thought. While you do that, I'm gonna be sitting on my bed and doing my homework.

Damn you, marble table for causing my stupid injury! DX


	4. Chips On A Cracking Glass

**A/N:** Hey, hey, hey my fellow fans. Hopefully, all of you are having a good day today. My day's been good so far (well…other than having to lay in bed all day cuz my injured knee hurts). I'll tell you: a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream and a good movie makes the pain almost go unnoticed. And re-watching all the Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood episodes helps to lighten things.

"Regular dialogue"

'_Mental dialogue'_

"**Dialogue said by another"**

Disembodied voice

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 4: Chips On A Cracking Glass**

The days seemed to roll by just as slowly as ever.

It was the same old routine for everyone: Hayate moped in his room for most of the day, Tama doing the same, and Maria drowning her sorrows in cleaning while trying to find ways to bring both occupants out of their shells. Same sadness, same routines.

But it was bearable for the time being. "It isn't the end of everything", as Maria often told herself.

With enough coaxing, she was able to convince Hayate to get out more (even if it meant going out to the backyard and sitting at the rose bushes for a couple of minutes). Tama started showing up during the afternoon from time to time (even if it was only to water Nagi's flower bed and her sitting beside him to chat, despite him not being able to talk). But she felt she was getting through to them somehow.

For one, Hayate didn't object as much anymore when she invited him to sit with her and talk a little. And sometimes, when he wasn't in a daze, he'd talk about the sky. It never exceeded more than two sentences and the comments were random or obvious for the most part. But then she'd take a side-glance at his face and see a familiar flicker of light in his azure pools. A bit of the old Hayate would shine through.

But as quick as it appeared, it faded back into the dullness of his orbs just as fast and his face would slacken once more. He'd sit there, slumped against the tree, and regress into the confines of his mind while she continued to make small conversation to fill the silence that'd fall on them.

Tama was a little easier to get to open up to her. Whenever she heard him padding across the living room, she'd pause whatever she was doing at the moment and join him to water the flowerbed outside. He carried a light blue watering can in his mouth and drop it under the water faucet outside. She'd help him fill the watering can and he'd scoop it in his mouth again to carry it over to the flowers. He'd look up to her in a silent way of help. She'd take the tin and water Nagi's flowers. Afterwards, she'd sit beside him and scratch behind his ears. Maria would start conversation with him, asking how his day went and such. The tiger would merely let out a sad sound and kept his gaze towards the flowers. Sometimes, he'd paw her hand as a 'yes' or slightly shake his head no to answer her questions.

She didn't think it silly at all that she was talking to an animal.

Klause continued to visit at random intervals to check up on the remaining 'family'. They were short and brief. But it was a reliever for Maria to have someone to talk to since none of the others were up for conversation.

The silence became too much at times.

But Maria found temporary comfort in busying herself with cleaning. So it was enough for now.

As a matter of fact, she was cleaning around the house again. She'd already done hers and Hayate's laundry, cleaned the kitchen and swept the front. All she had left was the living room.

She got done with dusting the blinds and shelves when she noticed a tuff of blue poking out from the rose bushes in the backyard from the nearby window. It disappeared as soon as it came up, so she decided to shrug it off and get back to cleaning. She polished the wooden table and cleaned the glass of the TV. She noticed the windows needed cleaning, so she got a new roll of paper towels, along with her bottle of glass cleaner, and proceeded to clean them.

That's when she noticed the tuff of blue again from the top of the bushes.

'_Am I going insane already?'_ she thought, rubbing at her eyes in case her vision was playing tricks on her. When she opened her eyes, she saw that the blue object was gone from sight again. _'Or maybe it's from lack of sleep. I have been sleeping less as of late…'_ She shook her head at the thought and wiped the windows some more.

When the windows started to leave streaks, she bent down to rip out new paper towels to use. She folded the four perforated pieces and rose up to clean off the streaks. She scrubbed hard at the lines until she couldn't notice them anymore. The sun gave the window a gleam that had her proud at the work well done.

"Now that's how you clean-." She stopped short when she saw it again.

A blue tuff poking out at the top of the bushes.

She blinked several times and pinched herself on the hand for added measure. "Ow. Ok, that was real." She rubbed at the sore spot while gazing out the window to the blue moving back and forth. It was perplexing to say the least.

'_What the heck was that?'_ She saw the bushes being moved and a speck of blue visible through a tiny gap between the greenery. _'Maybe I should go check it out. Just in case.'_

She rushed to the kitchen and made a grab for the broom leaning against the countertop. She ran to the backyard door, gripping the broom tightly as she took a moment to compose herself. Afterwards, when she was sure that she was ready, she slowly turned the knob and opened the door to a crack. She peeked through the small opening, taking note of her surroundings. She didn't see anything suspicious. And if she was correct, the mysterious blob of blue probably hadn't heard her opening the door. So she opened it wider and crept down the marble stairs with stealth she learned after years of working for the Sanzenins.

She heard the bushes rustling up ahead, halting her on the spot. A deep fear coursed through her blood, and she didn't know if she should pursue this on her own or call animal control.

'_I probably should have went with animal control.'_ she thought grimly. She didn't know what she was facing up against. For all she knew, it could have been a rabid animal that was let loose or a creature of the supernatural (something Nagi would have suggested at first).

As she neared the spot where she saw the blue object, the more her knees quacked under her. She felt them wanting to give out on her from the mere thought of something dangerous waiting to jump up and attack her. For a second, she thought about calling Hayate to help.

_'No. I can't possibly ask that of him. I don't even know what the thing is yet. But I can do it. I'm not a coward and I'm not about to turn into one.'_ The bushes rustled again. _'Y-yeah. I'm brave. I'm strong.'_ The bushes rustled a few more times as she neared them. _'I-I'm courageous. B-brave. Not c-cowardly?'_

An image of a vicious bear/tiger looking hybrid appeared in her mind, shedding her body to bits. As easily as a stick.

Rustling of the bushes.

Picture of a deadly beast.

Being the only one outside.

Knowing that she would have to fend for herself.

All these thoughts clouded her mind as she took those last fatal steps towards what could be her impending doom or menial scare of the day. She hoped it was the latter.

The blue popped out from the bushes. So she rose the broom as high as she could and brought it down hard with the intent of knocking out whatever was hiding in the bushes.

That was until she saw what it was.

The broom came to a startling halt above the tuff of blue. Her eyes widened and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Hayate?"

And lo and behold, Hayate was kneeled on the grass and looking up startled from the spot Maria intended to swing at. Patches of dirt decorated the front of his short sleeved, white shirt and denim jeans. His cheeks were powered the same dark color.

Maria kneeled down to his level looking at him in surprise. "What are you doing here at the garden?"

A look of realization crossed his features and his once startled face contorted in a hysterical sadness, blue eyes widening and turning glossy. "I-I can't find it."

"Can't find what?" she asked, clueless as to what he was meaning.

"My treasure. My treasure is gone."

"Treasure?"

"Yes! My treasure."

"Can you further ela…borate?"

But Hayate was already crawling away, constantly thrusting a hand through the bushes and sweeping his hands under the shrubbery. She noticed several red lines that ran across his arms and tiny dots of blood painting his lightly tan skin.

"Hayate." she called to him. But he kept looking through all the bushes instead. "Hayate, please." She put a comforting hand on his shoulder. He looked up to her, brows creased in worry.

"I don't have time. I have to loo-."

"No, Hayate." she told him firmly. She hooked both arms around one of his own and proceeded to lift him from the ground. "You have a lot of cuts on your arms. Right now would be best if I cured them for you."

"But you don't understand!"

"I do. So you can look for whatever this thing is after I cure your cuts."

Hayate swiftly pulled his hand away and backed from her a couple of feet. He gave her a look like he was deeply offended, clenching his hands on either side of him.

"A thing? You're calling something important to me 'a thing'?" His eyes narrowed dangerously low on his face and his breathing was picking up, flaring through his nostrils in anger. "It's not 'a thing'! It…it's the only thing a have left to remember!" he shouted out. He ran back into the house and a loud slam was heard from where Maria stood, paralyzed on the spot.

She was stunned by his behavior to say the least.

* * *

Hayate didn't speak to her for three days straight since the incident at the garden. During that time, he hadn't let her inside his room to wash his laundry or talk him into joining her outside for a bit.

He was being reclusive.

She was, however, lucky enough to sneak into his room and take out a load of dirty clothes when he went outside to look in the bushes again. He didn't know that she saw him walk out and she didn't bother to question him about it. She left it at that and raced to clean his clothes without him knowing.

That was a couple of hours ago and he's long since returned to his room to sulk some more. It was 7:45 p.m when she got done washing the last load.

She placed a basket of Hayate's light colored clothes on the couch. She turned on the tv to a drama series and sat down to fold the clothes, munching on some wheat crackers she bought yesterday.

A heated scene between the protagonist and his leading lady came on the screen, gaining the maid's attention.

They were embracing passionately as the man spoke sweet nothings in her ear. The woman blushed prettily and wove a delicate hand through his sleek, black hair. He, in turn, gripped her waist tighter and the space between their faces were shortening….

The cracker hung loosely in Maria's mouth, her eyes going wide with anticipation. She moved her body forward from her seat. With the movement, her hands tugged a shirt from the basket absentmindedly.

That was when she heard a thud beneath her. She looked down to see a shiny object at her feet, so she bent down to pick it up and observe it. Several charms adorned the gold bracelet. One in the shape of a heart had the initials 'N.S.' etched on the back. Something in her memory clicked.

"Ah! This…this is Nagi's bracelet. The one Hayate got her as a present."

"**You're calling something important to me 'a thing'?"**

"**It…it's the only thing I have left to remember!"**

It suddenly dawned on her what Hayate was offended about that day.

She fingered the heart charm, a sad smile tugging at her lips. "So this was the 'treasure' he was talking about…."

* * *

The whole room was dark, save for the lamp on his nightstand. It was night outside, meaning the end of another fruitless search.

Hayate was laying on his bed, his eyes unfocused as it gazed at the pitch-black ceiling above. The salty tears from earlier had dried and crusted on his cheeks. His hair was in a disarray from the three days of not showering and his clothes began to stink (he was wearing the same outfit from three days ago).

He felt defeated and utterly frustrated. He looked all over the backyard, practically tore up his whole room and checked all of the restrooms that he may have used between the time he had it and when it disappeared. But he always came through empty handed. It's already been three days...three days…

"Damn it!" he whispered loudly, crossing his arms over his eyes when he felt his eyes sting from the thought.

Hayate. Hayate~

"Please…leave me alone." He didn't dare uncover his eyes to see the person talking to his right.

Hayate. Are you ignoring me?

"This isn't real. None of this is real. None of this is real what so ever." he chanted to himself in a whisper.

Why do you like hurting me, Hayate? Have I done something wrong?

"I-I can't take this anymore." He heard his voice cracking under the pressure. "Please just go away."

Why won't you look at me?

The girl's voice also sounded choked up. But for his sake he didn't look.

Why won't you talk to me like before?

On the contrary, he wanted nothing more than to sit all day with her and chat like things in their lives hadn't changed.

But they did. And that's why he didn't trust himself to answer her.

Do you…do you hate me, Hayate?

"…No." Even knowing that she wasn't physically there didn't make the hurt any less real when she uttered those ugly words. A part of him still wanted to convince her that he DID care, even if he had to convince a conjured image of her.

But you do. If you didn't, then you wouldn't be ignoring me.

He felt the hot tears roll down his face, soaking the bed spread under his ears. His lips quivered a little.

"Is this…my punishment? Am I being punished for not protecting you? What did I do wrong to deserve all this pain?"

You let me go. Why Hayate? Why did you let me go?

"I-I don't know…"

Hayate…

"Nagi!" He quickly got up, turning his body where the voice was fading.

She was gone. Just like she'd always been.

"Nagi…" The tears continued to spill over as he looked to the spot on his right with wide eyes. He couldn't believe that he let his emotions get in the way again.

His ears perked up when he heard knocking on the other side. Two dark silhouettes blocked the light from the hall under the doorframe.

"Hayate. It's me. Can you open up for a sec?" came Maria's muffled voice.

His blue eyes scanned the empty spot to his right once more before getting up from the bed to open the door. He was momentarily blinded by the bright lights, having been in the dark for so long. He quickly rubbed the tears at the corners of his eyes and tried to adjust his vision from the light.

She wore a gentle smile full of understanding and care.

"I'm sorry to bother. But I found something that may cheer you up a bit." She reached a dainty hand into the pocket of her apron and produced the golden charm in her outstretched hand.

Hayate almost couldn't believe what he saw.

She grabbed both his limp hands, placed the charm in them, and closed his fingers around the jewelry. "I believe this is yours, no?"

He opened his fingers carefully to gaze down at the object in his hands. The lights overhead gave the charm a nice glint to it, reflecting the initials on the heart perfectly.

Hayate closed his fingers around it, eyes misting over, and starting to back into his room. He didn't lift his head to look at the maid. But he did utter a quick "thank you" before closing the door shut.

Maria turned on her heel and began walking down the stairs to finish the laundry. It wasn't a drastic change to his mood.

But it was a start.

* * *

Early Thursday morning, Klause came by again for another visit.

He and Maria sat in the living room and discussed as usual. He talked about his trip to the Hawaiian beaches and how the food there is delicious. He also told her how a crab on shore ran up to his foot and pinched his big toe (to which he added with pleasure that it tasted divine at dinner later that day. And to his displeasure, it made walking difficult to bare). Maria couldn't help but laugh from the story he told.

He asked how things were going for her, but she seemed hesitant to answer. Things were still awkward between her and the other occupants.

"Um…well, uh. The days go by too quick to recount everything." she said in embarrassment.

"Hm. I suppose that it does."

"W-would you like some more tea?"

"That would be lovely. Thanks." Maria took the ceramic cup from his hands and began to pour him another batch of the Strawberry Vanilla tea (coincidently, it was Nagi's favorite).

He took a sip and set the cup down on the coaster. He looked to the maid with a serious look.

"How long are you going to keep pretending that everything is alright?"

For a second, her façade slipped and her eyes widened slightly. But she quickly composed herself and flashed him a deceiving smile, hoping that'll drive his suspicions away.

"Excuse me?"

"Look." He rubbed two fingers on his forehead and let out a frustrated sigh. "We can continue with this little lie of yours all we want. But who exactly are we helping doing that?" The maid flinched from his words. "That's why I specifically came here today with the intent of assisting you during this difficult time."

"Where are you getting with this?" she asked in a light tone, despite the smile that was beginning to slant down her face ever so slightly.

"I think it would do Tama good to spend his time at a place that's therapeutic and away from this type of environment." He pulled out a couple of brochures from inside his suit and handed them to Maria. "It's a company owned by the Sanzenin family and specializes in pet care. The program itself allows the animals to loosen up and be pampered. Free of charge, so you wouldn't have to worry about the expense."

Maria looked through the various photos depicting a tropical looking center and all the opportunities for fun and activity.

"I signed him up to spend a duration of at least three months for rehabilitation. I know it'll do him good."

"Three months?" she asked incredulously. "Isn't that a long time for him to be away?" Her face no longer held a look of elation, same with her voice.

"Absolutely not. The way I see it is this: he's going on a small vacation to clear his mind and get away from the heartbreak of living in a house that's missing it's vital member."

Her eyes downcast to the brochures again.

"Wouldn't you want for him to get help while the problem is still fresh?"

She felt unsure about the idea of sending off Tama to live elsewhere for a while. The tiger was as much her friend as he was to Nagi. And to comply to Klause's wishes would mean that she'd have to part from him.

Another of her 'family' would be taken in the process.

"Miss Maria?"

"I-I'm sorry. It's just that…" She looked behind Klause and saw a photograph of the trio at the beach, along with Tama and Nagi's school friends. Her heart wrenched from looking at it.

Klause caught on to the look on her face and heaved a heavy sigh, getting up to straighten the wrinkles on his suit. "I can see that you're hesitant about this."

She, too, got up and bowed over, hands placed over her thighs. "I'm really sorry." She straightened her body back up. "It just seems too sudden, that's all."

"I understand."

"…a week." she murmured under her breath.

"Hm?"

"I need a week to think about this. If that's alright with you?"

Klause thought it over in his head, wondering whether it best that she delayed such a decision. One look at her eyes, though, told him that the decision was more important to her.

"…Ok." He gathered the brochures from the table and made his leave towards the door. "I'll give you a week to decide." he said, waving a hand to the side dismissively.

"Thank you, Klause-san."

"But." He stopped to look over his shoulder. "I'd give this question a thought before you make your decision."

"What would that be?"

His eyes were stoic and mouth drawn in a tight line. "Ask yourself this: "Is what you're doing helping him to get through the pain?" Give it some thought and have an answer ready for me next week."

"…"

"Have a nice day, Miss Maria."

The sound of the door shutting was the only thing heard after that.

* * *

Maria took this opportunity to spend some time with the tiger and see where things went from there. She spent time with him at the flowerbed as usual and resumed conversation like it was any other time.

Hayate didn't come out as much since she returned the charm bracelet to him. It was as though he was distancing himself even more from her. She still cooked for him and did his laundry when she could. But that was just about it. He didn't join her for chatting in the garden nor did he eat as much (even though his eating habits were already poor to begin with). It was a constant worry for her in the back of her mind.

Tama, however, was more compliant and didn't mind getting out of the room for a little. His mood hadn't changed much, if the frown on his face hadn't proved it enough, and he didn't purr with her usual ministrations to his ear (it always calmed him and make the tiger purr like crazy at one time). But she was happy that he was getting out.

She sprinkled some water over a tiny bud that was pushing through the surface, the green bulb round and bright. A deep contrast to the gloomy life in the mansion.

"I wonder how the little bud is holding up?" she said, more to herself than anything (a certain blonde in mind). She stroked and pet the tiger's furry head and she set the watering can aside and made herself more comfortable on the cobblestone path beneath her. She continued stroking Tama's fur and gazing at the single bud amongst the rest of the already grown flowers.

"It looks as though she's trying to sprout soon and catch up with the rest." Her lips curved upward in a sad smile. "Trying to prove she's not going to be small forever…"

She heard Tama exhale quietly through his nostrils at her comment.

"What do you think, Tama? You think she'll catch up?" A light pat of his paw to her hand told her he agreed.

"That's what I thought."

The wind picks up and lightly brushes through her pinned up hair. Tama looks lifeless as he lays on the ground, peering at the tiny bud in the middle. She wonders if she sometimes looks the same.

"You know…" She takes a deep breath and swallows the tiny lump in her throat. "It's gotten kind of quiet around here. Usually, this place would be bustling with people."

Tama remains silent.

"Those days sure were the craziest. It almost seems surreal when you compare it to now."

She felt a familiar sting behind her eyes, but chose to ignore it to continue talking.

"I wonder sometimes what it would be like if our lives weren't as such. Would we still have been as happy? Would we have had as much fun without those memories? These things…it gets you thinking sometimes."

Tama hadn't responded. But she felt him twitch a little at her words.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting old for my age." She ran delicate fingers across the top of his head and looked down to his glazed eyes. "What do you think Tama? Do you think I'm getting too old?

He continued to look at the tiny flower bud, unresponsive to her question. She cranes her head up to the sky, eyes flickering to a couple of birds flying by.

"I wish I can soar through the sky like these birds, without a single care in the world. Just to have a moment…and forget my problems."

* * *

"Ok Tama! Lets get out there and see how that bud is holding up." she says enthusiastically, Tama following close behind with the watering can in his mouth. She walks ahead, with her hands folded behind her, and a wide smile plastered on her face.

The sun was shining brightly outside. It recently stopped raining about an hour ago and a beautiful rainbow stretched across the blue, blue sky and fluffy clouds. Her spirits were up and she was sure that it would lift the tiger's as well. She had a good feeling about this as she pushed back the doors and greeted the sunny weather for the day. Tama was indifferent as usual.

"Mmm!" She stretched her arms above her, feeling the kinks in her back loosen up. "Isn't today just wonderful?"

Tama stood behind her and simply watched the scenery before him with little emotion.

Maria closed her eyes and breathed in the after shower scent. She let it sink into her system for a minute before turning around to get the water hose. "Ready to fill up?" she asks the tiger.

He nods his head slowly and walks his way towards the maid. He sets the can on the floor and watches as Maria fills it with water. When it gets close to the rim, she turns the knob counter clockwise and wraps the hose back around its wheel. He collects the handle between his teeth and they make their way to the flowerbed.

They stop short when they notice a ball of black fur on the flowerbed.

Maria runs towards it to shoo it away. The cat, as it was now discovered, turned around to see Maria getting closer and scampered away, the maid running close behind. It ran up the wall, a dead bird hanging from its mouth, and jumped over from their view. The maid puffs out her cheeks in annoyance and turns back to walk over to Tama at the flowers. She notices a grave look in his eyes.

And as she joined him at the flowerbed, she can see why.

All the flowers, once neatly arranged and standing tall, were scattered about, half of them buried under the soil and torn to shreds. Petals fluttered about as they moved with the light wind. But that's not what got their attention.

What did, however, was the little flower bud- ripped from its stem and crushed flat on the cobblestone.

It was destroyed, killed, ripped apart.

Maria softly pats the tiger's head in remorse as he watched the scene before him. "I'm so sorry Tama." She says barely above a whisper.

He bows his head low and slowly walks back into the house. He looks defeated and she couldn't help the sorrow that reached her heart as she watched him leave.

So much for that good feeling of hers.

* * *

Two days have passed since the flowerbed destruction and Tama hadn't left his (Nagi's) room.

In three days, Klause was supposed to come again and get her answer. Time was fast approaching and she wasn't sure if she'd accomplished much. She made every effort to get him to open the door so they could talk. But he was too engrossed in his misery to listen. They were returning to their old routine again.

Hayate had kept with his seclusion. So no help there. And Klause wasn't coming by soon. Nagi's friends weren't going to be of help either, on account that none of them came over to visit.

So she was left to help Tama out of it by herself.

"Tama. Will you please open up? We need to talk about this."

She knocks on the door, leaning her head against it.

"Please, Tama. Open up."

She kneels to the ground, her forehead rubbing against the sleek wood. She feels a slight burn from it.

"Tama." she calls out desperately. "Please. Please let me help you."

"**Is what you're doing helping him to get through the pain?"**

Those words never rang so true in her mind than now. She listens to the quiet house and thinks of the emptiness of it, of the lack of happiness it houses. She clenches her eyes tightly as the tears spring forth from her eyes. Her hand slides down the door and she's never felt more alone than when she found herself sitting outside in the hall by herself.

No one to help. No one to assist her…or her distant, makeshift 'family'.

"Please, Tama."

"Please don't shut me out too."

* * *

A week passes by. Klause doesn't have to ask to know what she's decided.

A depressed looking Tama stands beside the crestfallen maid, his luggage of things in her right hand. Klause walks forward to collect the luggage and gives her a sympathetic look before ushering the tiger inside the limo.

Maria doesn't make a move to leave from her spot even after the limo has driven away. She doesn't even bother to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks.

She realizes she's been in a losing battle and the glass wall she's built around her optimism was chipping under all the weight of her sadness. Her confidence starts to slip and she wonders how long she can keep at it before she loses Hayate also.

* * *

**A/N:** And that's a wrap to another chapter of this fic.

I know some of you are starting to get anxious about when Nagi will make her appearance. But I will say that we're getting close to that point. And about the lack of Hayate, you have to understand that he's going through a tough time right now with losing Nagi and all. So his mind is kind of out of it. And if I made this whole thing in his view…well, all you'd get is a bunch of moping over Nagi. And who wants to read a whole couple of chapters about that? So that's why I have Maria as the main pov for right now. But rest assured, we'll start seeing more of Hayate…and maybe some Nagi? So please be patient with me.

Anyways, leave me a review and I'll make sure to work on the other chapter so that you guys (and gals) don't have to wait so long for the next update. I'm really trying to make an effort to make up for that horrible waiting I put you guys through. So I hope this helps. Until next time, buh bye!


	5. Losing You

**A/N:** Hello reviewers and readers alike! I finally got done with this chapter. And let me tell you, there's a lot of angst going on. So best to prepare yourselves for all the heavy, deep feeling stuff because that's all there is in this chapter. So anyways, I was reading everyone's comments and replied to a few between last chapter and this. But the dilemma here is that I forgot who I wrote to and who I still have yet to reply. So I decided to just reply to those reviews on the authors note. Sound good? Ok. So heres my replies to those that reviewed chappie 4:

**raffee:** Thanks a lot for the review. And fear not, I plan for Nagi to make her appearance soon. Just not now...if thats ok with you? And as for all that's happening with Hayate and Maria, that'll be resolved with time. We just gotta get through all the angst first for some fluffy, happy times. You know how that works.

**OmniKnight: **What the bleep! How could you wish ill will on me? I've done nothing to you! I've even read your Gakuen Alice fic and this is the thanks I get? Well, you know what? Now I'm sad. You've hurt my feelings and...and...pfft. Hahaha. Oh, who am I kidding? Your comment was hilarious. In fact, I greatly enjoy any comments by you. So keep em' coming. And hopefully, me and my INJURED leg that you mocked some time ago will keep the story to your liking. So I'll try not to disappoint. ^w^ But if you mock it again, I might just have to slow the updates...muhahah! Take that! Lol. But in all seriousness, I'm making sure to keep the updates short so that I don't keep you and the others waiting for long. Scouts honor (even though I'm not exactly a scout).

**Ayordez:** Tralalalaloh...great! Now you have me doing it too! Ugh! But thanks for the review. Glad that you've taken a great interest in my story. So I'll keep the chapters going so that you can see Nagi soon. But in return, please keep the updates going for your fic. Last one had me anticipating for more jealous!Hayate and how he confronts Nagi about her outing with Ryoji.

**AsD:** I always see a comment from you. And as much as I appreciate that you write me a review, I can't thank you for them. So make yourself an account so that I CAN reply to you! You don't even have to write a fic to have one. So make an account already so that I can thank you for the comments. And yes, I'm trying to get in the habit of updating quicker. Hopefully, I can keep up with it as I've been. And from what you've read in the latest chapters, you can clearly see that Nagi meant the world to Hayate. I just wasn't sure if writing from his pov would turn people away from all the angst he's experiencing. But I do add in some pov from him so that he isn't completely nonexistent in the fic. And thanks for your concern about my leg. It's getting better each day that passes.

**Xybia: **Thank you for the review. If you like emotional stuff, then you're going to love this chapter and the next. There's an overload of angst in this chapter and more to come. So keep a look out for more. And I promise we'll start to see the return of Nagi sometime later in the story. On a side note, that's an interesting pen name you got there. Good thing you provided me with the right pronunciation.

Regular dialogue

_Mental dialogue_

Illusion!Nagi voice

* * *

**Chapter 5: Losing You**

It's been two weeks since Tama left their once lively household. Not much has changed since then (she thinks with shame).

Hayate continued to hoard himself in his room for most of the day (only opening the door to let Maria get the laundry or grab a little food from the tray left at his door). Hangouts at the rose bushes were rare to none. And the few times that she saw him left her fearful for his decaying will for happiness. Hayate was disappearing in front of her very eyes and she didn't have a clue as to help him.

"What can I possibly do to help him?" she muttered to herself, pulling out a glass pan from the oven. She set it on a cooling rack and discarded the twin gloves on top of a chair she had placed near the countertop (she was reaching for something in the cupboards). She swept her hand over the sweat that gathered on her forehead, looking to the nice weather outside. It was a great day for hanging out at the garden.

_'It seems like everything I do is in vain. He won't come out for nothing in the world, no matter what I say to him.'_ she thought in remorse, watching the flowers sway slightly with the wind.

She heaved a heavy sigh and slumped back onto the chair.

_'It...makes me want to give up sometimes. It really does.'_

It was like a game of cat and mouse for them. She would take extra precautions to tend to his needs and make every possible effort to spark some expression onto his face. But he never reciprocated. He buried himself in guilt and Maria couldn't do anything but watch.

_'He's practically killing himself from the inside.'_

Maria was quickly losing her own sanity. She could feel herself detach from the world and sink into the despair that clung heavily in the air. She wonders to herself what it'd be like to just let go and not care for anything else. She's had to shake the idea to the back of her mind many times before and brush her teeth twice because she feels a wave of bitter nausea worm its way up every time she came to her senses.

It takes some time (and much distraction) before the feeling dissipates. But it never leaves her mind and the repressed guilt returns.

It's routine, so she doesn't let it bother her. Only when she's in the (not all that much) comfort of her room does she mourn in silence (and sometimes with warm tears).

"I wonder if the bread has cooled off?" She gets up to check the tray and hovers a hand over the baked goods. It doesn't radiate an immense wave of heat, so she determines it to be ready. She pops it out of the glass and slathers pineapple jam over the top. She does the same with the sides and pulls out a knife from the wood block to cut the pastry in squares.

It smells delish. But it doesn't do anything for her appetite; she's long since accustomed herself to the effects her sorrow has on her body and accept that knowledge.

So she finishes cutting it up, placing a slice on a small plate, and steps out of the kitchen to walk up the stairs leading to Hayate's room. But she stops short at the railing and grips the wood with nervousness. It's the same thing every time. So she does what she normally does every time before heading up and practices to breath calmly.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale (she feels herself choke from emotion). Exhale again (now it comes out smooth).

She takes those twenty steps up, with a burst of fake confidence, and stands before his door. A few knocks follow and she wills her mouth to speak.

"Hayate? I just wanted to let you know that I baked some pineapple cake. So..." She gulps. "Ill leave a piece here at the door for whenever you want to eat some. It's really good. I promise."

She pauses and waits to hear for any kind of reply. But he's silent as ever.

"Well, um...I'll leave you to resume whatever it is you're doing." She stays a second more, clenching the front of her apron, and turns a heel towards the stairs.

She thinks she hears him apologize.

* * *

She tends to the garden like usual. It gives her peace of mind and time to think to herself.

Lately, her thoughts have been in a muddle. She isn't entirely sure what she thinks anymore. But gardening has always been therapeutic and more of a stress reliever than cleaning the house (or playing music on the piano. But it hurts because she usually plays music made by Nagi). So she takes comfort in caring for the flowers that grow and plants more when she's done.

She saved the tiny flower bud that was destroyed by the stray cat. It's pressed between book pages in her room so that it's always preserved. And one day, when Nagi comes back to them, she'll pull out the book and show everyone that it was well taken cared for this whole time.

She looks up and sees Hayates window, the lights off as usual.

Maybe (if fate wills it so) she'll be able to show the bud to everyone...together...in their home.

But Nagi ran away, Tama was sent to a rehabilitation center, Hayate wastes away in his room, and Maria is still trying to gain control of it all. Whether it be physical or mental, all of her family is separated from one another. And the bud still resides in between book pages of her favorite novel, What A Wonderful Life.

How more ironic (and sick) can life be?

* * *

After tending to the garden and cleaning every room in the house, she calls it a night and decides to hit it to bed. She's exhausted, mentally and physically, and wants nothing more than to lay her body on the soft mattress of her bed.

She trudges up the twenty steps and to her room. And by room, she means a spare room. She couldn't find the courage within to sleep in the room she and Nagi once shared. So she hasn't slept in it since her disappearance that fateful night in Greece.

She turns the knob of the spare room she calls her own and closes it behind her. A switch is flipped, illuminating the bare room (minus the basic pieces of furniture adorning it). It doesnt take her long to strip her maid uniform off and pull a nightgown over her form. She doesn't bother to brush her teeth for the night, and instead shuts the light off and pulls the covers back to get between them. She's too exhausted to care that the bed is icy cold. She just wants to sleep the night off.

Maria pulls the covers more over her head, to conserve heat, and lets her mind slip.

Her eyelids drooped low and her mind was beginning to feel fuzzy with sleep. She was getting close to unconsciousness. So close too. But that was before she heard an ear piercing yell resound outside her door. She quickly pulled the covers back and jumped off her bed, swinging the door open in alarm. She kept hearing yelling and ran down the hall to the source.

It didn't take long to get there and she banged her fists on the door.

"Hayate! Hayate! Is everything alright?"

He kept yelling at the top of his lungs, so she banged harder on the door.

"Hayate! Open the door! Hayate!"

"Aaaaah! Noo! Ugh-ahhh!"

"Hayate!"

She was feeling desperate, as she considered the number of scenarios pertaining to his yelling. Each one worse then before. She didn't hesitate when she pulled back from the door and roughly slammed her side against it, hoping to slam it open. It didn't budge. So she tried it again. And again. And again. Her arm and side was burning from the force, but she kept going. She was determined to get the door open.

(And how she wished that Nagi hadn't lost the master house keys to open every room in the house when she was left here on her own one day.)

She slammed her body against the door and called out his name in hysteria.

"Hayate! Hold on! Im coming for you!"

She heard a loud gasp. Then silence followed right after.

She stilled in her actions and stayed silent when she didn't hear him yelling anymore. She wasn't sure what to think of the situation.

"H-Hayate?"

A second later, the door opened and a fear struck Hayate walked out. He had bags under his eyes and she could faintly make out tear trails on his cheeks from the lights in the hall. His breath was labored and sweat coated his face and neck.

"Hayate? Is everything alright?"

"Why?" Even though he was trying to act casual about it, his voice betrayed him and came out more tense.

"I-I heard you yelling."

"Oh..." he said, bowing his head low. "Its nothing, Miss Maria. So please go back to sleep."

"Are you-?"

"Please." he said a little more forceful.

"Oh, ok then. You have a goo-." But he shut the door on her before she could finish.

* * *

After that night, Hayate began to randomly yell in the middle of the night. It disturbed her each time she heard it and bolted out of bed to check up on him.

But he'd brush it off and tell her it was nothing.

It was always nothing with him.

* * *

"Hayate? I have some breakfast here for you. I made eggs this time...seeing as you haven't eaten the other meals I've made you."

She set the plate and the floor and gathered the other four that were untouched.

"Do tell me how it tastes when you get a chance. And if there is a specific meal you'd like to eat, tell me so that I dont make something you might not like."

She didn't expect a reply and just walked downstairs like normal.

When she got into the kitchen, she placed the plates of food in separate containers and piled them with the other dishes in the refrigerator.

They were all his favorite dishes. Or at least, they used to be.

* * *

The yells continued each night and he was eating less than before.

Maria was becoming increasingly worried over this and decided to call up Klaus for help in the matter.

* * *

The older man didn't waste another second to contemplate. He promptly arrived, but with another man in tow, the next day. When they arrived at the Sanzenin residence, they all sat down in the living room while Maria made cups of tea for her guests.

She hoped that they would have a solution to her problem.

"Thank you so much for coming here on such short notice, Klaus-san. I know you have a tight schedule that demands your full attention." she said as she poured tea in the two cups.

"Nonsense. I'm just happy to be of some assistance."

"Thank you again." She sat back down on the sofa and waited as Klaus and his companion stirred their teas and accommodated themselves in their seats.

She clenched her teeth and fisted her hands while trying to appear unaffected by the stress...and the waiting it took to alleviate the problem. She wanted to force the solution from the men who appeared to be taking their sweet time (or at least from her view). But she remained calm in her seat, despite the anxiety that was creeping into her system from the seconds that ticked by ever so slowly.

She heard the clank of a cup and looked straight up to them.

Klaus was the first to speak after setting his spoon on the tiny plate where his teacup settled. His face contorted in a seriousness that left no room for silly jabs or light discussion.

"So I hear that Hayate isnt fairing too well. Correct?"

She had to momentarily swallow the rising lump in her throat before opening her mouth to speak. "Yes. I'm afraid that things...have gotten more serious since our last meeting. You see, Hayate has started to enclose himself more often and rarely ever goes out. And I'm afraid to say that his health isn't the best either." She wrung her hands; a nervous habit of hers. "That's why I thought it best that I call you. You know the situation we're in right now and could have a better chance of helping to alleviate it."

"I understand completely. In fact, I kind of figured this was happening. So I brought Mr. Tamaya here with me. He's a well-known therapist and has been very successful with every case he's taken."

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Tamaya. And thank you for stopping by also." Maria said, stretching her hand over the table to shake the man's. He returned it with gusto.

"Not a problem, Ms. Maria. After all, this is what I do."

"Right."

"I'll be leaving this man in your capable hands, Miss Maria."

"Thanks again, Klaus-san."

Mr. Tamaya takes a sip of his tea and dabs the corner of his lip before looking back to the maid. "I would like to come over next week and have a chat with Mr. Ayasaki, observe his behavior and such. I have a policy where I believe a patient is most comfortable in their home for the first session. And the success rate increases when their first time is a house visit because they don't feel nervous sitting in some person's office."

"That sounds pretty reasonable. But I'm not sure how Hayate will feel about this."

"I can assure you, Miss, that I conduct every session with profession and sensibility. If I feel at any point during the session that he's not up for more, I'll simply call it a day and I'll work around the kinks with a different method."

Maria was feeling a little secure in the knowledge that this man wasn't going to be pushy about anything. But it was just that: a little reassuring.

"And, uh..." She had to swallow down the lump in her throat again. "About how long will these sessions last for?"

"My scheduling is fairly flexible. I work with people's time and try to find ways to fit in two appointments per weeks, if possible. And if the person has a busy schedule, then I also do home visits. It all depends on whatever is most convenient for you."

"Convenient, huh..."

"This is a good thing, Miss." he says with sincerity in his voice. "And I'm sure you, more than anyone, wants to see this person get better. He needs to move past this inner turmoil and look towards the future. For his sake."

_'Move past the turmoil? Is that even possible?'_ She cant help but picture a blonde girl flashing her brightest smile and laughing without care...

"Miss Maria. It's time to move on from this." Mr. Tamaya reassures.

To move on.

This man was suggesting for Hayate to move on. Him? When she was the one saving Nagi's flower bud in a book and kept the broken shards of her glass frame beside her bed on the nightstand (she's been too depressed to open the lid of the container and see only her reflection in the glass)? Maybe she needed therapy also.

She hesitates (because part of her can't see the good in this idea of letting go) and sits in her seat, pondering the choice at hand. On one hand, she wants to help Hayate from this rut he's let himself fall into. But she worries that with teaching him to let go, he'll ultimately start to forget the girl that affected his life. He'll probably regard her memory less and less, only stopping to think of the blonde in his spare time (which would be short since he tends to work a lot).

She doesn't want him to forget. But at the same time, she doesn't want him to waste away thinking of the what ifs.

She hates to see him cooped up in his room and get skinnier by the day. She hates to see him with dark rings under his eyes and how they blend with the dull in his baby blues. She hates to see him talk like he's caught in a memory and how his actions seem detached form the rest of the world. She hates how he only feels guilt when he's with her. She hates how his smiles don't reach his ears, or how he doesn't smile at all. She hates how he doesn't radiate optimism because he was once full of it.

But most of all, she hates the silence. Silence means not hearing a thing. But for her, silence is deafening. Silence, despite the meaning, sounds louder than words and the shrill screeching of cars on the streets. Silence provides her nothing, but too much all at once.

She really hates the silence.

"Ok."

* * *

She's knocking on his door, hands empty this time.

"Hayate? There's a visitor here to see you."

He doesn't respond. So she knocks again.

"Hayate. A very important person is here to visit. They specifically wanted to see you."

All she hears is the silence.

She heaves a sigh and fishes for something in her pocket. "I'm sorry for having to do this, Hayate. But unfortunately, we can't keep this person waiting."

She fits the silver key through the hole and gives it a twist. Within seconds, the door is pushed open and the maid comes across Hayate's body lying on the bed. He's facing the ceiling and almost seems mesmerized by it. She walks a little closer to see that his eyes are glazed over and his mouth forming a frown.

"Hayate..."

He looks dead to the world.

That's the only thing she can think of in that moment. She briefly remembers a time when his eyes sparkled with enthusiasm or softened when in the presence of his friends. Or when they fired up in rage when Kotetsu Segawa brushed him the wrong way. Or when they widened in surprise and a blush usually accompanied the act after someone's done something nice for him.

He was a boy of many expressions. Or at least, he once was.

"Hayate. Lets go see this person. Cmon." She loops an arm around his shoulders and hoisters his body up from the bed. She manages with difficulty to lead them out the door and into the brightly lit hallway. She feels him flinch in her arms, but pays no heed to it. After all, she wants to help him. And the first step to it was to expose him to the life outside his room, the one he's neglected for so long.

It's only when they reach the stairs does she feel his eyes on her.

"Maria?" His voice sounds strained, scratchy from not being used regularly. She makes a mental note to get him some water when they get down.

She turns her head up and gives him a warm smile (pushing the frigid feelings back). "Yes, Hayate. Its me."

He looks around with the same look on his face. But there's some shine in his eyes.

"What's going on? Why are we out in the hall?"

She turns her head to the side, giving him a sincere smile. "We have a guest here to see you."

"Oh..." He's rubbing his throat and making attempts to clear it by exerting a cough (weak at best) to unclog his windpipes. That's when he starts to lean back from her hold. "I cant today." And now he's walking back toward his room.

Maria reaches out a hand and grabs his wrist. He stops to turn around and look at her, sadness etched in his eyes.

"Miss Maria..."

"Hayate." she tells him sternly. "It's important that you meet this person. Please. For me." she pleads with him at the end.

His head is hung low and she can only guess what's going through his mind at the moment. But with a quick pull of his hand, he's freed and walks towards his room again.

"Hayate!" she cries out.

"I said I dont wanna go."

"But you have to! It's for your own good!"

He pauses at his door, hand grasping at the knob and shaking with emotion.

"My own good, you say?" he says to her calmly. Something about his voice scares her and she inwardly flinches from it. "What do you know about whats good for me? You know nothing."

"I'm sorry, Hayate. But I think if you-."

"No." he forces out, interjecting quickly. "Just-Just leave me alone."

"Is everything alright up there?" a voice calls out from the bottom of the stairs.

Maria can't take her eyes from Hayate's form. She's afraid that if she turns away, he'll disappear within the second. So she raises her voice to reply back.

"Yes, Mr. Tamaya! Everything is just fine!"

Hayate turns around to look for the source of the new voice. When he doesn't see anyone there, he gives Maria a questioning expression.

"Who was that?"

Her breath hitches. "Uh. Well, you see..." His eyes are narrowing, as though sensing that the answer wasn't going to be to his liking. She figures it'll be best to get it done and over with while she still had him outside his door. "Mr. Tamaya...he's the therapist Klaus got for you. Well, we agreed to have him here."

He stays silent.

"We think it'll benefit you to have someone to discuss your issues with and work out any, um, regrets you may have."

"Regrets?" His voice sounds slightly irritated with the news.

"Yes. I see that you've been feeling down for a while. And maybe it'll be good for you to have someone help you get through the incident so that you can start feeling better."

"So you thought that getting me a therapist would help? Are you calling me crazy or something?"

"What? No, Hayate! I just think that you'll-."

"Stop with the lies already! Just-Just stop it!" He twists the knob of the door and yanks it open. But Maria, in her desperation, flings herself towards the boy and embraces him from behind, attempting to stop him from entering the room.

"Get off me! Let me go!"

"Hayate. Dont do this. I beg of you."

"Let me go!" he yells out while trying to twist his body from her grip. But she just holds on tighter.

"No!"

"Let me go, Maria!"

"I said no!"

Loud footsteps are heard coming up the stairs. Mr. Tamaya's worried face appears from behind as he sees the two wrestling for control in the hall. He sees the struggle and begins running to Maria's aid.

"Stop this, you two!"

"Let go!" Hayate continues to yank his body away.

"Hayate! Please, just stop this!"

"Maria!"

"Stop denying us! W-What do you think Nagi would say to this?"

Blue eyes widen. Something in him snaps.

It's all a blur to her in those few seconds between yelling at Hayate to feeling a shift in her stance. Maria suddenly feels herself being flung towards the wall and Mr. Tamaya's crying out her name in worry. But it doesn't register to her. Instead, she slowly opens her eyes and looks up to see Hayate glaring daggers at her. It's a cold look that leaves her feeling petrified on the floor.

It's almost like the world had frozen over.

Hayate's hair falls over his eyes and he takes this opportunity to retreat to his room. A loud slam follows his action.

Mr. Tamaya reaches Maria's huddled body and hugs her close in protection. He's asking her a million questions and shaking her about when he doesn't get a response.

But that doesn't register to her either. All she can do is look at his door in shock...and fear.

* * *

That night, she could barely hear his yelling.

Because that night, she cried herself hoarse.

* * *

Klaus was informed of what transpired in the Sanzenin residence the next night.

And to say that he was greatly disappointed was an understatement. He was downright enraged by Hayate's behavior and made a few quick phone calls to cancel his appointments for the day.

An hour later, he was at the door and ringing the bell with urgency. Maria slumps down the stairs in her pajamas and opens the door slowly. "Yes?"

Klaus takes one good look at her and feels his insides burn.

"My god..." He feels out of breath from seeing the state she's in. Her eyes, red and swollen from constant crying, stare back at him, lacking the usual glint. Her face looks drained of color and her cheeks sunken in like that of the dead. Her hair in out of its bun and tangled about on her shoulders, some strands sticking to the sides of her cheeks.

He shakes the worry away and leads the woman by the hand to the couch. Once he does that, he goes into the kitchen to get her a glass of water. He fills the cup quickly and walks back into the living room to hand it to her. She takes it without protest, sipping a little with shaky hands.

He takes notice of this and feels the urge to strangle the man upstairs. But he holds his composure...for Maria's sake, anyway.

When she's set the cup down, he takes a seat on the table in front of her and grasps both her hands.

"Maria...are you ok?"

He knows the question is more redundant than anything. But he isn't entirely sure how to go about comforting her (and he's still shocked from her appearance). So he asks her the first thing that popped into his mind when he saw her.

She doesn't say anything at first, merely blinking back at him. She darts her eyes around the room and lulls her head to the side. Her eyes stay on a particular part of the room and he's sure where they landed on. A photo of the group sits on a mantel behind him. He becomes painfully aware of how lonely the atmosphere feels and how her eyes glisten.

"...I'm not sure." she whispers to him, never straying her vision from the photo. "I'm not sure at all."

He lets out a heavy sigh and grips her hands tighter. "I'll have Mr. Tamaya try again tomorrow."

"No." she pleads in a shaky whisper.

"You know we must. Hayate has to overcome his aggression and move on."

"No." The tears begin to spill over and he uses his sleeve to wipe the few that trail down her face.

"Please, Miss Maria. Don't back out now. Not while there's still hope."

"I-I dont know. Everything just seems so...so hopeless." She sniffles and the tears just keep coming. "What did I do w-wrong? What did I do to make him hate me so?"

"Nothing is hopeless. Just complicated. And Hayate would never, in a million years, think less of you. I dont approve of his treatment towards you, but I kind of understand the emotions he's going through."

She sniffles and looks into his eyes.

"I feel like I'm losing him. Like I'm losing everyone around me and I'll eventually get to the point where I'll be all alone."

"Thats not true." he tells her, wiping more tears from her cheeks.

"I l-lost Nagi...and Tama too. I-I can't lose Hayate. I don't know what I'd do if he left me also."

"Everything will work out for the best. You'll see."

She clutched a hand to her heart, breathing heavily from the emotions wracking her body. Her thoughts swim and she can hardly see the man sitting in front of her.

"It's all my fault. None of this would have ever happened if I'd only just went and talked with Nagi that night. I even stopped Hayate from seeing her because I was so sure that giving her time to herself would do the trick. But I was too stupid to realize..."

"Miss Maria. You have to stay strong, for everyone."

"I-I know."

A loud crash was heard at the top of the house.

"See? Even Hayate is suffering through his own guilt." he tells her sadly.

* * *

After Hayate's encounter with Maria yesterday, he wanted nothing more than to just disappear from the world.

He felt extremely bad for pushing the maid against the wall so roughly. He vaguely remembers hearing Maria say Nagi's name and everything went red and hazy. He was burning with guilt and hate. He was angry with Maria and Klaus for hiring him a therapist. His stubborn mind didn't want to listen to reason and decided to push all things relating to Nagi aside. But Maria took matters into her own hands and thought Hayate needed therapy to move on.

"I dont need therapy." he tells himself, lying on the bed with both arms over his eyes. "I'm not crazy. I-I dont want to talk about Ojou-sama like she's some distant memory I need to get over. She will come back. Im sure of it."

Why do you do this to yourself?

"Leave me alone." he says with great hurt. "Please."

You plan on hurting yourself, huh?

Hayate slowly turns around to meet the girls forest green eyes. How he longs to see the real thing...

Please stop this. Right now, Hayate. 

A lone tear falls from his eyes. "I miss you so much, Ojou-sama. I miss you so much...that it hurts."

Then stop wasting away and do what's best.

"I'm afraid...I'm afraid I cant do that."

And why not?

"Because I cant say."

Hayate...

He rises from the bed, slowly moving his feet onto the floor. It's as though his body is moving on its own as it leads him towards the mirror on his dresser. He sees his reflection with cold distain.

_'Look at what I've become. I'm a monster.'_ he thinks to himself. '_What good am I as a butler, or person for that matter, if I couldn't protect one person?'_ He thinks of that night in Greece, his anger boiling to the point of explosion. Without warning, he slams a fist through the glass and the mirror slams into the wall. It's a loud bang that resounds all around the room. He lets his hand linger in the shards before pulling it back. Crimson trails travel in all directions of his hand. And it stings greatly. But for some strange reason, the sight pleases him.

He suddenly wants more. More pain to drown out the sorrow he's feeling. A pain that he can relate to (one that his heart suffers in anguish over).

Anger isn't the solution to depression, you know.

He looks intently into her eyes, seeing past them to the window with the curtains pulled in. A thought comes to mind.

The illusions eyes widen in realization.

Hayate. Don't do this. This isn't like you.

He gives her a sad smile, despite him knowing that she wasn't real. But it gave him some comfort nonetheless.

"It's too late." he says in a low voice.

He walks towards the window, despite the illusion's protests, and pulls the curtains back with anticipation and a desperate need for release. The wind blows through his blue locks of hair and causes goose bumps to form around his arms. He isn't the least bit fazed by the height (or how the wind stings his wounded hand).

Hayate. Step away from there. You'll only get hurt.

He doesn't look behind him to know that her face is contorted in worry. And he doesn't want to go out with that in mind. So he resorts to looking out at the scenery and letting the words go over his head. They're just words. They shouldn't mean anything, especially coming from a girl that wasn't there.

It hurts to even admit that.

Hayate, please don't.

Her voice cracks and it almost makes him back out from what he was going to do.

Almost.

It doesn't have to be this way.

He slides his left leg over the frame and pulls the other along afterwards. He sits on the ledge for a second, thinking of Nagi's cheerful smile and the tears she shed that night. Of the times he would hold her hand and when he slapped it aside.

He was feeling confused and hurt and alone. Deeply alone.

"It's too late." he repeats to himself before letting the winds fly past his falling body...

* * *

**A/N:** That was quite the dosage of angst. Even I'm feeling a little down from writing this. I need to get me a tub of ice cream to fix this.

So you know the drill. Leave me a review and I'll promise to get back to you ASAP. And this time, I'll keep better track of who I did and didn't write back to. Enjoy!


	6. Fight Inside

**A/N:** Hey everyone. It's your favorite author with the most…well, more like with the least. But who cares for technicalities? I'm just so happy to have finally got over all the crap I had to deal with as of late. I'm feeling especially hyped after seeing all the reviews I got from last chapter. So thank you, each and every one of you, for leaving me such wonderful, and sometimes hilarious, comments. They mean the world to me as a writer who only aspires to entertain.

"Regular dialogue"

'_Mental dialogue'_

Illusion!Nagi

* * *

**Chapter 6: Fight Inside**

Maria and Klaus sat in the living room, the man trying to comfort the broken girl as she pleaded with him not to continue with the therapy plan.

That was when they heard a crashing sound from upstairs. It shook Maria from her rambling as she visibly stiffened at the sound. Klaus could only shake his head in pity. This whole thing was weighing down on everyone. The livelihood that once resided in the mansion was sucked out completely, leaving only a residual smog of confusion and dread in its place. The man felt suffocated in the atmosphere, like the incident with Nagi was a big slap in the face and its main focus now was to strangle the man with all the 'what if's' and sharp pains of regret.

There looked to be no place for release.

And to think, this was what Maria and Hayate were living with every day.

"See? Even Hayate is suffering through his own guilt." he told her.

She dropped her head down and small sniffles came from under the curtain of chocolate brown hair.

"I-I know. I know."

Sympathy for the girl surfaced as he heard her light crying. "But that doesn't mean you can blame yourself for his sadness."

"Y-You don't understand. It is my f-fault."

"No it isn't."

"Of course it is." she forced out a little louder. "Everything is my fault. I-I shouldn't even be alive."

Klaus shook Maria slightly in his grip, trying to regain her attention and possibly get her to see the bigger picture of things.

"Miss Maria. You have to get a hold of yourself."

The maid felt limp in his grip, head down with her brown bangs falling over her eyes, and shaking slightly. She shook her head to the side and let more tears fall over her cheeks.

"No." she whispered. "I can't."

He gripped her arms tighter. "You have to, Maria. How else is this matter going to be resolved?"

She shook her head sideways again.

"Please, don't make me do this? Please?" she meekly pleaded with him.

"Maria?"

"N-No…"

"Listen to me." he commanded firmly. "Things are falling apart. In fact, things have already been falling apart since Nagi's disappearance. And I understand that you're suffering an immense feeling of hopelessness and want to just throw in the towel and give up." He tipped her head up and looked into her eyes with a face of determination. He had to give the girl guidance. This was his last chance to set things straight.

"But you have to be the pillar of strength when all hope is gone. It's you that must rein everyone back when tragedy kicks in. If you can't do that, then all is lost. Do you understand?" He felt his voice cracking slightly as he uttered his next words. "If you don't stay strong for your remaining 'family', then what's left of saving it?"

His fingers were trembling under the pressure the house provided (no thanks to the bad luck that befell them in Greece).

He let out a frustrated sigh, his eyes searching desperately for reciprocated understanding in her reddish/brown orbs. He tried to look past the tears, the red blotches covering the white in her eyes, the cloudy glaze over the lens of her irises, and hoped with all his might that she felt the same determination, the familiar blaze, that got her through the most difficult situations in life. She blinked back a set of tears and he wondered, for a split second, if this was a sign that he was getting through to her.

Maria, on the other hand, just looked through blurry eyes, and an equally hazy sense of mind, not quite registering all Klaus said to her. She was too engrossed in her sadness to see the meaning in the old man's words or how her surrender was hurting Hayate. She couldn't. She wouldn't.

She closed her eyes painfully, pushed the man's arms away and walked back and away from the couch…a look of sorrow and defeat on her face.

He lost his chance.

"P-Please…?" Her lips quivered as she tried speaking, right hand clenched tightly to her chest. As though the simple act of breathing, alone, became difficult for her. "Please leave?"

Klaus sat there, hands limp, head blank, mouth speechless and at a loss for words, as his eyes desperately searched hers again. But broken fragments were all he found in the mess of emotions.

It made him feel dumbfounded by the realization.

"P-Please, please, please? I c-can't take this anymore. It's just too much!" She buried her face in her hands, crying out as she pleaded with Klaus to leave.

He swallowed hard on the words that came to mind, though. He was a man who didn't like to pry into people's lives because he, too, knew what it was like to have others inspect and criticize every aspect of your life. And those that usually pried didn't know a thing about the other person they were happily interrogating.

However, he knew Maria. He's lived some years knowing the girl; her quirks, her mannerisms, her love for the people she lived under this roof with (for it was the only one she could recall perfectly, happily). And it was because he knew and respected this woman, that he especially didn't see any meaning in prying.

But his question, left hanging on the tip of his tongue, caused a sort of bitterness to his mood. And as much as he respected the woman, knew her well enough not to question or doubt, he also couldn't quell the urge creeping up his throat, practically coating his whole thought process, that begged to say what had plagued him since her diminishing faith reared its ugly head.

It came out pathetic, weak. But it held all the remorse he'd been holding inside as he spoke every syllable directed at the crying girl before him.

"Why are you just giving up like some coward?

She stood in the same spot, her sniffling heard in the silence. But Klaus wouldn't hear of it. Not this time.

"Why are you letting down your family like this? Why?"

He rose from his spot on the table, posture straight and slightly rigid. But his hands shook with such anger that it made it hard to keep from breaking a nearby object to release that pent up emotion.

"Tell me, Maria!" he yelled out uncharacteristically. A fierce anger came over him, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and his head throb at the corners of his forehead.

Maria lifted her face to him, her eyes the epitome of fright. Tears continued to roll down the sides of her pale cheeks and hit the ground with a patter, reminding the woman that his anger was real and the situation…even more real. She didn't know what to say to the older man, who was panting and breathing heavy through his nostrils. The sight reminded her of a feral creature just waiting to lash out and tear its prey to shreds.

She became scared.

"Don't you see what's happening? Can't you see that by you giving up, you're letting down Hayate too?"

An image of a very depressed Hayate, slumped over his bed with the most devoid eyes she'd ever seen, flashed in her mind, causing her pupils to dilate and her heart to sting in remorse.

'_I forgot all about Hayate.'_ she thinks, looking down at the floor in shame.

"This isn't like you! You were never like this!"

She remembers giving her friends those few, but precious, comforting words of hope and watched smiles grace their features each time she did. There was a time she once donned a similar expression also.

'_It feels like it's been so long since those times…'_

But that was then. And this is now-the present where tears, bitterness and utter sorrow encased her once warm heart into a glass container and blew a harsh blizzard across the surface of it until the beatings became almost inaudible. She felt frozen in this reoccurring nightmare of regret and loss. And the person that always managed to thaw even the most stoic of people's hearts was gone, disappeared from her/their lives without so much as a goodbye. Even the warmth her tears provided wasn't enough.

"How can you give up, knowing the hurt everyone is experiencing because of Nagi's departure?" he forced out through clenching teeth, grinding down on his mouth till he felt his gums paining from it.

Her head was swimming with memories of happier times, each one chipping away at the remains of her frozen heart. Like stones thrown at a crumbling wall. She became fragile. Almost to the point where she couldn't be repaired.

'_How had it come to this?'_

"You-You can't KEEP doing this to yourself. This isn't right." Klaus huffed out, feeling fatigued from the whole ordeal. He was stressed beyond his limits, desperately trying to convince the girl otherwise.

So how come it wasn't enough?

The room was deathly silent. An air of troubled feelings clung around them, blinding them to what was really going on during this time.

"…Go home. Please?"

"Why, huh? So you can waste away in this house like a zombie?"

"Go home."

"N-No! This isn't how it's supposed to be. You can't wallow in this sadness, Maria. Think of what you're saying here befor-!"

"Go away!" Maria screamed out. Her whole body shook, the tears freely trail down her rosy cheeks, as she attempted to keep herself from sinking to the floor in utter agony (however possible that was, in her case).

He looked shocked from her outburst. But then, his face sunk in sadness and he gave the girl another pleading look. She averted her eyes to the floor.

And so he went, feeling defeated in this cruel game of life.

* * *

A body fell to the floor, water splattering in different directions from the impact. A harsh breeze blew past in that moment.

"Ugh…damn." groaned the man on the floor.

A shadow loomed over his hunched over form, the footsteps coming to a halt as the sounds of the man's heavy breathing echoed off the walls of the alleyway.

"Get up."

The man, looking very much tore up after a fierce battle, lay on the concrete floor, clutching his profusely blooding shoulder with his eyes shut tightly. He cracked an eye open to stare into the cold, dead eyes of the teen standing over him.

"Fuck you-aah!" A foot slammed hard on his stomach, causing him to cry out in pain. He curled to his side and hissed loudly when another blow to the arm was inflicted. He was kicked again and only managed to choke out an incoherent word before becoming silent.

"I said get up." the teen above him spat out, venom lacing his every word. His eyes, devoid of all feeling, bore into the man writhing beneath him.

He bled from all over, but stood tall as though the pain hadn't bothered him at all. His black shirt was torn at the sleeves and the middle of his chest, his pants smeared with blood that he wasn't entirely sure was his own or not, and his blue hair stuck in all places of his face. A stone cold expression took place of the usual grim look he wore.

"Get up, you worthless bastard!"

He was panting wildly as he looked at the man. He noticed no movements from him and cursed under his breath when he realized the man was unconscious. He looked around him and saw the other men unconscious and looking just as beaten. Some were holding metal bars in their loose grips as they lay there on the ground face down or on their sides.

It was a bloody battlefield he stood in the middle of.

As he looked on at all the damage he'd done, he couldn't help the bit of remorse that crept into his heart. He was starting to feel ashamed of himself…ashamed of the monster he'd become.

A light drizzle of rain fell from the sky and sprinkled his torn clothing, smearing the blood on his face and hands. He looked straight up to the dark sky, hoping to see his 'star' shining down on him. He wanted to see her mischievous eyes, the twinkle they held in them, her blushing face, her pouty one too.

He wanted to hold her tight, take her hand in his, pet her golden hair, and run his fingers over her small knuckles.

He wanted what he couldn't have. And it hurt just so much to know that.

Tears pooled in his eyes and obscured his vision of the night sky above. Or maybe it was the rain pelting his face. He didn't know anymore. He just didn't know.

"Nagi." he said in a breathy voice. "I can't breathe. It's getting…it's getting so hard to get through the day like this."

He feels winded by the emotions surging through his mind, trembles wracking his body, tears mixing with the rain, and pain intensifying from the salty liquid penetrating the numerous cuts.

But the physical hurt doesn't pain as much as the hurt in his heart.

"Pain. I need to feel more pain." He tightly clutched both hands into fists. "I need more people to go at me. And I don't care if I'm beaten to the ground and unable to stand. That doesn't matter to me in the least."

Images of the men he brawled with came in rapid flashes. A metal pole colliding with his back, punches soaring through the air and landing on his face, knives cutting deep into skin, kicks that slammed against his rib cage, his own hands dealing deathly blows on them…it all became so vivid to him.

And her face shone in his mind again.

"I want to be beaten…till I can forget the pain in my heart."

* * *

The rain beat heavily on the earth.

His feet scraped against the stucco of the wall, the scuffles of his shoes sounding in his ears. His hands, legs and just about every part of his body ached from fighting. But he made an extra effort to climb the vine that grew along the side of the wall leading to his room (the plant forgotten in the mist of depression). It was surprisingly sturdy for something known to snap at ease.

When he neared the open window, he quickly gripped the edge of the window frame and, with as much strength he could muster in that fleeting moment, hauled himself over it. He landed with a loud 'thud', face first into the plush carpet of his room. He lay there, soaking wet, on the floor for a few seconds more to catch his breath.

He felt completely exhausted, mentally and physically.

The rain continued pounding away in a raging storm. Just like the emotions swirling in his heart.

He placed his palms face down on the carpet and attempted to lift his body off the floor. The burning sensation seared his insides as every muscle exerted force in the act.

"D-Damn!" he hissed under his breath when his shoulder felt like it was going to give out on him. It felt like fire scorching his skin, burning all the way to the bone and combusting in all parts of his arms. He struggled to lift his body, stopping a few times to let the pain subside a little before pushing upward again.

He ceased further movement, however, after successfully getting himself into a kneeling position, arms spread out on either side of him with his gaze to the floor. He broke out in a sweat from over-exertion as the beads rolled down his angled face, landing in silence between the carpet fibers. His breathing was labored and dry from the long walk.

Lightning flashed outside and the winds picked up in force, causing tremors inside the room.

Hayate twisted his body around (grunting and hissing because it was excruciating to do) to close the open window before the rain could soak his desk and floor. He felt his body wanting to give out on him as he stretched an arm up to pull down the window. At last, he got a hold of the end of it and pulled it down ever so slowly to avoid snapping a bone from doing it too fast (if he hasn't already broken anything, that is). It squeaked and made loud grating noises from the water that seeped into the corners of the frame, letting out a last hissing sound before it was closed shut.

The room was now surrounded in a dull pounding from the rain, flashes of lightning his only source of light.

He was, once again, alone in his dark room.

But at the same time he wasn't.

He was back in the place that reminded him of her. This house was nothing more than a prison for him. And yet, here he was; back to square one of his ever growing depression. He ran away from the house, to release his pent up frustrations, only to come back like some broken-in mutt. He was worthless, pathetic in every nature. He felt he didn't deserve to ever experience the tastes of happiness.

But for once, he didn't want to remember her glowing smile. Or her vibrant personality. Or the way she made his world seem like the brightest place on earth.

He just wanted to forget.

It felt like he was warring with himself in a never-ending battle for his sanity, constantly having to get a grip on his emotions to avoid slipping up. And with every passing moment of every passing day, he was losing every bit of who he was- who he had been.

The poison set in, burning all possible routes in his mind for escape. Every sad and guilt-ridden thought he had permeated his mind and destroyed whatever focus he had of reality. No longer did he see things as they were. His mind was seeing the cruelty of his insensitive actions that led to the tragedy in Greece.

A molten hot liquid coiled around his insides in a tight embrace when he thought of Nagi crying against the wall, shaken and utterly confused by his outrageous behavior. He sprinted towards the restroom and retched into the toilet, coughing and choking on the bitter substance leaving his mouth in slimy chunks. The awful aroma tickled his senses, making him more nauseous than before. He continued to empty his stomach's contents in the porcelain bowl with his eyes shut tight, tears pricking at the corners and stinging the irises behind closed lids. Not long after, his nose started running from so much throwing up.

His breath came in heavy heaves, his chest rose and fell quickly, eyes teary and burnt, and his stomach felt like a pool of acid.

He raised a shaky hand towards the lever and pressed it down to flush away the horrendous scene below him. Seconds later, the toilet water, no longer colored a dark green and pasty yellow mix, clearly reflected his flushed face amongst the water.

And to be perfectly honest, he looked like crap.

He continued to look as his disoriented reflection, cursing himself for becoming so weak and for stooping so low as to throw himself into fights to escape the pain.

An immediate dizzy spell kicked in and before long, he was rearing his head to the side and slipping further and further into the depths of slumber…

* * *

It doesn't have to be this way.

"_It's too late." he repeats to himself before letting the winds fly past his falling body. For those few seconds that he's plummeting to the ground, he feels light and guilt-free. It's almost like he's above all that torments him._

_But then his feet touch ground and he's reminded again of what he came out for. He doesn't hear the illusion's voice beg him to return nor Maria's distant crying from a slightly open window on the other side of the house. He simply lets his feet guide him down the street, under lamp posts that illuminate his pale face and past the homes that, he knew for sure, contained a happy family unit in each. It was cold outside, a slight wind blowing at his exposed arms and neck. It particularly hurt his bleeding wound. But he didn't mind the frigid weather. _

_He was content with the pain to his body._

_In fact, he didn't mind that he was roaming the empty streets alone with a bleeding hand and a shattered heart. He felt too numb to register all that was gong on around him. His mind was on autopilot while his body was wandering mindlessly like a zombie. He doesn't even remember the last time he's felt happy._

_It seemed like it was such a long time ago…_

_He continued walking the streets, hoping to find the 'relief' he was looking for. He wasn't sure what it was. But he figures he'll come across it eventually. _

_He passed familiar shops, the park he and Nagi visited from time to time, and the jewelry store where he bought the charm bracelet. It's at that point, as he stares at the display window, that he feels the cold piece of metal pressed against his thigh. He pulls the bracelet out of his pocket and admires the gold piece in his palm. He fingers the heart charm, shifting the moon's light between its sides. He runs the pad of his thumb across the smudge marks on the back to see Nagi's initials etched on the surface. _

_N.S._

_Where was she now?_

_He felt his eyes burn with emotion. He wanted to cry, cry so badly, and cry so hard till he couldn't cry anymore. Maybe curl up in his bed and stare endlessly into the pitch-black ceiling of his room, crying out all his frustrations in the silence that often engulfed him in these months. _

_But he couldn't._

_All he could do was bear it without question. (Because this was his punishment for wronging the girl who took a piece of his heart with her). He didn't think a piece of metal could insulate so much cold temperature like the one in his hand. It felt like holding a piece of mercury and his whole body being affected by the touch._

"_This wouldn't be the first time I've felt cold." he mutters to himself. A bittersweet grin reflects off the cold metal heart, reminding him how similar his own heart is right now. Several people walk past him, smiling and giggling with the person beside them. Their excited chatter reached his ears, making him grind his teeth and clench his hand around the charm bracelet till he felt the pointy ends of the charms dig into his skin. _

_He didn't want to be around this happiness people were publicly flaunting (in his face). He grew irritated with the smiling, laughing, hand holding, cuddly couples and friends that radiated elation. It made him want to puke from the sight._

_(It made him want to cry out)._

_He was feeling claustrophobic being in the middle of all the happy-goers. As though he were being singled out from some inside joke he wasn't allowed in. His head is reeling with all these thoughts that make him dizzy and light-headed. He wants to escape this madness- quickly!_

_He looks up and sees an empty alleyway. It's dark and the mere thought of it brings about words like 'shady' and 'dangerous'. His mind is telling him not to consider the prospect and just go another way instead._

_But the temptation is too great. And before he knows it, he's walking towards the alley with a tinge of anticipation, like one from before when he left the Sanzenin mansion. He feels daring, adventurous even, as he nears the isolated place that'll separate him from the happy people and their happy personalities. He reaches the threshold, pauses, and looks back one last time to see the people walking by and oblivious to his existence. His gaze turns back to the dark alley and his feet begin their descent into the unknown. _

_He can hear his footsteps echo off the walls of grim, graffiti and various other things he didn't really want to dwell on. The dim light from the moon was his only source of light as he further walked into the place without so much as a clue to where it would lead him. It was a long walk and he didn't know what the purpose of this was. But something in the back of his mind told him to just go with it._

_And he was often told that he had good judgment. So why question his actions now? _

_He kicks a can to the corner. It was littered with other pieces of trash. But he just kicked it aside like with the soda can. _

_That's when he hears faint chatter up ahead. It sounds like men laughing it up and talking loudly, clanks of glass following after. Curiosity get the better of him, so he walks towards the chatter to see what it was about._

_Alarms go off in his head, telling him not to go see. They tell him to ignore the urge to look. But he ignores the warning bells instead._

_He turns around the corner and sees a group of rogue looking guys standing in a circle and drinking bottles of liquor (based on the heavy smell of it). He's about to turn around when his foot stomps down on a scrunched up piece of paper. The men stop in their laughter to regard his presence. _

_And they don't seem very happy about it either._

_A scrappy looking guy lowers the bottle from his lips and glares holes into Hayate._

"_What the hell are you doing here? Huh?"_

_The alarms in his head were going crazy right now, ringing loudly in his ears in urgent warning._

"_Yeah." Sneers another man. "Why the hell is a scrawny little bitch like yourself wandering in the alley? Don't you know that this is __our__ turf?"_

_Several of the other men started to throw their bottles to the floor and near him in a predatory way, each with glares fixed on him. The first man that spoke up was cracking the knuckles on his hand and smiling deviously. Glints of light shone from behind their hands._

_Heed the warning, Hayate. Just run! RUN NOW!_

'_Nagi!'_

_He was taken back when he heard Nagi's voice and averted his eyes in all directions. He kept looking around the men, trash bin and dark corners for her. But he didn't see the blonde anywhere. Nowhere at all._

'_But-But I could have swore I heard her. Or was it just my imagination as usual?'_

"_Yo, man. You gonna stand there looking stupid or are ya gonna leave our turf?"_

_Another man placed a hand on the guy's shoulder, holding his knife up. "Come on, dude. Why don't we just show him not to come where he obviously doesn't belong in?"_

"_Yeah…" he drawled out, snickering from the thought. "He does look eager to learn."_

_Hayate!_

_A single drop of sweat rolled down his face as the men neared him, holding out their weapons in view to look intimidating. But he stood his ground. And with a glare equal to theirs._

"_Oh, ho, ho. Someone here has got some balls." the man in front hollered out. "I guess we have more to teach you than we thought. Now don't we?"_

_That same man roughly pushed him up against the wall, an arm pushing into his neck to hold him still. "And maybe…we'll probably find something of value on you."_

_All the other men behind me snickered in unison._

_But Hayate wouldn't back down now. He'd already come this far and got himself into such a situation. And for some reason unknown to him, the idea of being in a dangerous spot left him feeling…excited._

_The burly man swung his muscled arm back and thrust it towards his face._

_And Hayate threw all caution and abandonment to the wind._

"_Take thi-!" he never got to finish his sentence after he was flung back with so much force that his back collided to the wall far behind the group. His back gave a sickening crack sound as he slumped forward across his lap; his body hadn't stirred since the crash landing. _

_The other men looked behind them, with their mouths agape from what transpired and looked back to Hayate in astonishment._

_Hayate had a curtain of his blue bangs concealing his eyes as he spoke._

"_Not so tough now, huh?" he said almost inaudibly. He looked up to give each man there a piercing glare, fisting his hands tightly. "So who's next?" he asked louder, putting venom into every syllable he spoke. "Come on! Come at me!"_

"_You little bastard." One of them said. He pointed the knife at him. "Lets see you talking after this." he snarled out._

_And so it began from there._

_It was a blur to him after that. He vaguely remembers landing the first punch to the man that held the knife out. Two other guys came at him. But he deflected their weapons with ease, kicking one in the stomach and head butting the other against the wall. As he's grappling one of the smaller guys, an immense pain strikes the nerves on his back. He falls over, gasping slightly and quickly turns around to narrowly avoid a metal pole coming down on his back again. He uses this split second of time to throw a kick to the man's stomach._

_It doesn't take long for the men to slice parts of his body (it's a battle of ten-to-one). It hurts alot when the gleaming metal cuts through his skin, the cool wind only adding to the pain. And it also doesn't help when his only form of defense is his limbs. _

_But he gets such a, dare he say, thrill from fighting and being fought back against these dangerous men. He welcomes the pain that comes from being hurt and kicked about and punched into the ground till the breath nearly escaped him. He doesn't mind that he gets all cut up and will eventually feel the full effect of the fight the next morning._

_No._

_He's loving the pain…because it helps him to forget. Forget the pain that came with losing Nagi. Forget how it felt to make her cry like she did and run away from her right after, without so much as comforting the broken girl next to a broken wall. Forget the night she declared her existence a burden to him through a parchment of paper-the last thing that was handled by her._

_But during all the fighting, he still feels the cold metal of her bracelet cutting through his thigh._

_The regret washes over him when it's all over and he has won a battle that's never really won._

_

* * *

_

He wakes up to the morning light shining from his room.

He groggily lifts himself from the bathroom floor, takes in the emptiness of it all, feels the dryness in his throat and glances into the mirror with much distain. He still looks like crap. Has been for a while now.

He pulls the bracelet out of his pocket, wincing from the fabric of his pants rubbing against the cuts on his hand, and gives it a long look.

"What have I become?" he mutters in defeat.

* * *

"What have I become?" Maria asks herself.

She's sitting at the foot of her bed, looking pale and tired from days lacking comfortable sleep. She clutches the box containing the broken pieces of Nagi's photo frame to her chest, shaking with the tears leaking from her eyes.

'I failed Nagi, Tama, Klaus and Hayate.' She sniffles and hiccups, hugging the box more tightly to her body. 'So what have I become?'

A storm rages on in their hearts.

* * *

**A/N:** I would like to inform everyone that all this constant angst is coming to a close soon. So start expecting a lighter atmosphere in another one or two chapters. Cuz after that, I'll be bringing in more of the fluff and drama elements. But that doesn't mean that I won't add in some good fashioned angst from time to time.

Just letting you guys know so that you don't think I'm taking satisfaction of bringing the mood down. This is a Hayate x Nagi fanfic after all. But thanks for enduring all the angst so far.

Now go and leave me a wonderful review, like always. Thanks again!


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